The Things you learn on youTube: PART 3- How to track someone for under $20!

this actually horrified me.

not gonna lie.



yay for invasion of privacy!

-Josh

did you have trouble in Geometry?

great graph, except for the "have 6 drinks" part.. dont do that.

'cause a small town is a small stage for teenagers and their drama....

my life the past few days could definately make the context for a pretty dang good daytime soap opera.

its wierd, but i kinda feel like my life is heading in a certain direction and i have no way to make it change course, and no way of knowing where i am going, and this innate fear welling up inside of me consisting of primarily a fear of losing control.

i found a quote from a movie that i thought was appropriate. a woman comes out of a hospital crying, and is greeted by Elder Aaron Davis, a mormon missionary, ad they start a conversation. mid-way through, Aaron finds himself at a loss, and begins the following:

Elder Aaron Davis: Do you ever read the Sunday comics?
Lila: [confused] I beg your pardon?
[changes her mind]
Lila: Yes, of course the Sunday comics.
Elder Aaron Davis: Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this - make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and funny and good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now.


this is an AMAZING quote... i cant even tell you.

so right now, im simply hoping that life realy is more than a bid mass of dots, cause for a few minutes, it starts to feel that way.

Grace and peace! and Happy New Year!

-Josh

a repost of an important request:

ok, so i dont usually do this (i.e. repost other peoples blogs) but i thought that this was incredibly important and moving.

within the context of my day-today life, i come across a lot of people who struggle with the issue of homosexuality and sexual identity. many of these people also struggle with depression that realates to it. i came accross a blog about this that hit pretty hard, and i thought i would share it.

The following is NOT my work, and remains the property of the author.


------------------------------------------------------------------
Christmas suicide.
December 25, 2008 |

While you are exchanging gifts today and celebrating the festivities, remember this: Today, like every day, 4 gay or lesbian youth will commit suicide.

Statistical estimations by the U.S. Health and Human Services show that 1,488 gay or lesbian youth will kill themselves in the new year. Moreover, 30% of gay or lesbian youth have contemplated suicide.

If there is one thing that pushes my heart to the breaking point, it is knowing that someone feels so alone or so scared or in so much pain that they take their own life. In a world so full of love and light, it hurts knowing that their are people in such darkness.

Today, I’d like to share a suicide note with you. It is a real note. It was written by a 16-year old high school student named Steven. He overdosed on medication. I’ve shortned the note for purposes of reproduction, but the grammer and spelling have been left intact. Here is Steven’s suicide note:

I am sorry to the people that I love but I cant fucking take it anymore. So I am gay. Why dooes everyone hate me becaus of that. Fuck them. I have been punched and spit on andcalled faggot, queer, loser, pussy, fag boy. Some asshole painted faggot on my locker. Some people do not talk to me. Fuck them, fuck everyone, I hate this fucking life know. I am so fucking tired of the shit. I hve receved hate letters telling me to leave school telling me that faggots aren’t welcome and that I am a fag.

I have wanted to be dead for so long. I don’t really know how I made it as far as thisbecase i jujst think about being dead. I am never happy. Why did so many people lie to me. I wish I never told anyone I am gay.why the fuck did I do that.

I love you mom and dad.because even though you did not undertand maybe you loved me and said I was fine and you would help me.but at school it was like being in hell. Iwas burning in hell eery day. I dould not tell you edeverythin thatwas happening. I did not want you to worryaboyut me. I coulnd not do that do you. I hope that youwill forgive me.plese forgive me. And rememberme when I was happy. And I am not a faggot I am a person that is all. Why was I a gay though, why me, why whey why why I always ask. I will never know. God must have wanted me to be with him now because he is tlling me to kill myself. I think that anywayse. And I know I need to commit suicide soon. But you need to know why. Don’t be sad. You wont have a faggot son anymore.

I need towrite a poem
i will name iti am not a fag

I am not a fag
You are the fags
Remember that
I am a person
You say faggot faggot queer queer but you don’t know anyting
I know that you are stupid assholes and that is more than you know

What is heavenreally like mom and dad. I hope it is all that not here. And don’t be sad because you will be with meagaoin. I know I know.

I am getting happier now. I am becauseit is all ending now. I want you to know that I feel good now. I think I feel really good now , yes I do. I am not crying anymore and I am rfeeling happy. I think I will be happy in heaven no longer a faggot just a person. The real faggots are tthem

I have to say goodbye now so don’t be sad. Please never be sad. I am happy. I am really happy now. Everying will be fine I am happeire that I have ever been because it is all over.

Goodbye I love you mom and dad but I hate almost everyone else. Don’t be sad.

I am happy now.

Steven survived. He was hospitalized and treated. He moved with his family to another state. Steven was lucky. But today, 4 people won’t be.
Perhaps, this Christmas, you’ll make a donation to The Trevor Project (by clicking the orange donate button on the top of the right-hand sidebar) so that they can continue to operate the nation’s only 24-hour suicide prevention helpline for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth. And please, if you are considering suicide, call 1-866-4-U-TREVOR.
All of us can do something to light the darkness.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and yours.

Copyright © 2008 break the illusion www.breaktheillusion.com

---------------------------

I believe that hope is to be inspired in people, no matter what.
we, as the Church specifically, and as the majority of Americans, hav done a pretty bad job of offering hope to people who need it. today, think about people you know that need help - whether its a hug or an hour of your time, try to be hope for someone.

please.

their life may depend on it.

Love all. worship one.
-Josh

looking at desperation and onset of vomitting.

fun found by Randall Monroe

:)

someone stole my idea!

haha... how great is that?

if only i would have copyrighted it.

dang.



from FFFFOUND!

this guy might just be my hero...

love him.

love him a lot.
from ffffound.
-Josh

The things You Learn On YouTube: PART 2- How to run the Naked Mile

what does it take to be a first-rate naked-miler?

i found out.

thing ive learned #2- how to deter a telemarketer

i saw this and thought it was worth posting.

how to deter a telemarketer.

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

merry christmas

-Josh

"Gems" found in photo's by Gary Barnes

A friend of mine is an EXCELLENT amateur Photographer, among MANY other talents. here is a few GREAT pictures from his Black and White album.




Taken during a Candlelight Equality Vigil in Oceanside, California on the pier. Hosted by the North County LGBT Coalition. Shot on a Pentax K10D with a f1.4 50mm prime lens, edited in Adobe Lightroom 2 and Nik Silver Efex Pro.








Photo of the Harris Fire in San Diego county as it burned south of Mt. Helix. Taken with an Olympus XA rangefinder camera. Film processed in Diafine.








AIDS Walk 2007







For a look at more of what Gary does, check out HERE

peace be to you for christmas!
A Savior is born to us, a people in desperate need of saving.

-Josh

The Things You Learn On YouTube: PART 1- How To Beat Your Wife

wife/animal beating- the things you learn.

:)

wow.

once again this makes me smile.

dramatic reading...

ok, ok... just saw this and thought i was going to crap my pants i laughed so hard. a dramatic reading of an actual breakup letter.



http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/


SOO GOOOD!!!


thanks to darin mcWatters for findin that one!

this is hilarious... what if Starbucks marketed like a church...

to funny.

-J

wow.

this is a horrible way to go about changing things...

im appalled.

act well your part

philosophical statment of the day:

"Act well your part. there all honor lies." -Alexander Pope

i was hit with an interesting predicament today... and i began to think. sometimes i feel like a puppet. no, wrong word. sometimes i feel like im an actor in a play, playing a part for some big-screen producer, eternally confined within the limits of my charachter.

forever unable to be me.

and i began to think... act well your part, there all honor lies? really?

part of me thinks that this idea was made to keep the lower-class people feeling in their place, that all honor lied in them knowing and keeping their station. thus creating apathy in the lower positions, and keeping the aristocracy above everything.

what is out part? is it honorable? is it something interesting? do i get to rule over anyone else?

i believe that the part of every human being lies in this phrase:

love all, worship One.

love all: we are people who crave relationships. all people crave things in their life, and to be loved and to love is both a craving to recieve and a craving to give. we were designed by God to love and care for all of those around us. not to judge eachother, not to crush eachother, but to love one another. and part of love is by hsaring with them the joy and hope we have, as christians, in Jesus... my best friend and the one who saves me from myself. loving all, indescriminantly, is a scary and dangerous love that requires EVERYTHING of us. don't belive me? hold hands with someone who has A.I.D.S., publically hang around with a homosexual and stand up for them as a person, bring a cross-dresser to your church. your world will explode, but it will explode in the most infinite and crazy love of all: the love of Yahwey, God.

Worship one: at hume lake, on the side of the lake, there is a sign that says simply "God Is...". i think that people get confused at first when they see this, but the truth of it is unbelievable! no matter what goes on in your life, God is...

...love.
...savior.
...warior.
...crazy in love with you.
...still on his throne.

you could put an infinite amount of things in this list. no matter what, God Is...

we worship God for who he is. be cause He is truly the center of the story, not you. because he is worthy of praise. because he is god. we worship the one god, and Him alone. meaning not money, or social status, or talent, or possesions.

there is an ancient line that is the heartbeat of ancient isreal:
"hear, oh isreal: the lord, your God, the Lord is one".

meaning there is one god, and he ALONE is worthy of all praise. because he is God, and he is One.

this is our part. this is what we are to act well. love all, wirship one.

so, act well your part. there all honor lies.

honor, and truth, and love, and fulfilment.

everything you desire in your heart, in the deep recesses of your soul that only you know about, keeping hidden from the world around you.

Love all, Worship One
-Josh

love on her arms.

i remember when i was in 7th grade,a friend came up to me and gave me a hug.

we walked, arm in arm, for a while. i always liked to play with her wrist-bands. it was one of my annoying habits, i guess, but this girl had a LOT of wrist bands, and so i made fun of her in my own little way.

i played with them.

constantly.

only this time, as soon as i touched her wrist, she jerked her arm away from me.

i looked down, and there, half hidden beneath her bright pink and neon green cover-up, were three slash-marks going sideways across her arm.

that day i learned that my friend was a cutter. but more than that, i learned that my friend was hiding a part of herself from the world because she didn't feel the love of a world that didn't seem to care about her anyway.

today is National "To Write Love On Her Arms" Day.

a day set aside to bring awareness and hope to people who suffer from depression and hopelessness.

through this organization, many people, boys and girls, have found hope and love in places they never thought were possible.

so today, i encourage you to write LOVE on your arms. and to show people all around you that, regardless of what they think, someone out there loves them and hope is possible.

love is the movement.

move.

for more information about this organization and what you can do to help, please visit www.twloha.com

to make myself clear

i hold God's truth to be self-evident... and i do not go against it.

however, i do have a HUGE problem with christ-followers presenting a one-sided view of truth.

Truth: Homosexuality and homosexual marriage is a sin, meaning it is missing the mark God set up in the beginning. like ALL other sin, it brings sadness and dis-pleasure to the heart of God.

also,

Truth: all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. no man can say to another man "i am better than you are" because, truth be told, he is not. the call of Christ is a call to follow, to lift up your head toward the truth and love of a savior, a God-man that came "not for the healthy, but the sick; not for the righteous, but sinners".

do I believe that homosexual marriage is recognized by God as a "holy union between humanity and Diety"? no... and i doubt many homosexuals would see it that way either.

but i do, however, find it to be a horrible defiance of the character of Jesus to use a law as a weapon of defense; thus encouraging the church to label itself with what we are against, not what we are for.

are we against homosexuality? sure, just as we are against every other sin: lust or envy or murder.

but we cannot and should not mark ourselves with that.

we are for the winning of people over to Jesus, showing those around us that there is hope still coming: that the kingdom to come is more powerful than the kingdoms of this world.

you don't help a child excell at something by pointing out all of the things that are wrong with what they are doing and showing them how you excel so much more in those areas then they do. you help a child excel by encouraging them in their strengths, using your own experiences to benefit them in any way you can.

and sometimes, the only strength you can encourage is the desire of every person to be truly, unconditionally loved by someone and to share with them the hope of a savior who does.
-J

wicked webs weaved...

im really sad prop 8 passed.

i know, i know, but im a christian, right? im supposed to be for prop 8.

but im not... i feel that, as-so-far as the church is concerned, it makes a "us vs. them" stance on our society.

we are right

you are wrong.

you deal with it, because we are the ones that are right.

and i think that thats a terrible way to go about humanity and living. It is really hard to tell people about jesus when they first hear you defending yourself against them at every turn. people make connections due to vulnerability, not distance. i feel like we just made the wide, barren gap between "evangelicals" and homosexuals even wider, seemingly impossible to cross.

the fundamental question, then, is this:

is it right to ignore biblical right and wrong when a persons or people-groups salvation is on the line? because, if you remember, you don't go to hell for being Gay, you go to hell for not having a relationship with Jesus Christ. and i fear that we just made any efforts to reach the gay community with the love and care of Jesus that much more difficult. we are refusing to go to their level and share jesus, and forcing them to come to ours.

as if ours is somehow any better than there's.


I've heard people say that our country, in electing Obama, has taken a giant step toward equality.

i, personally, think we have simply turned our focus from one minority to another.

what heights of love, what depths of peace

i remember when i was a kid, i used ot read the ender series.

HAve you read those? its really a great series, starting with Enders Game allthe way through countless novels by orson scott card.

Ender, the main charachter and heroin of Enders Game, is a small boy who, a "third", a special case "third child" pregnancy authorized by the government in the hopes that he will be be the next GREAT COMMANDER of the Worlds forces against the dreaded bugger army.

Ender becomes all they ever wanted and more... and he goes through this period in his training where he suddenly has surpassing respect, even command, over every other student in the Battle School he attends. They Salute him in the hall. they get up when he comes in the room, they stop their conversations and jokes when he enters. they all address him as sir.

all before he's 11 years old.

this amazes me.

and ender gets so fed up with all this "DAMN RESPECT" that he literally snaps.

i feel like this sometimes. it seems like ever since i started in as the "Youth Pastor" at hbbc, and started the "least of these" group at VU... im not Josh anymore. now, im this guy who is supposed to be the very nature of Jesus in every effect. a guy who never spits, never cusses, never thinks or says things immoral.

people looka t me differently. im no longer "one of the guys" now im the "YOUTH PASTOR" or "THE GOD-GUY". you cant talk about that stuff around HIM.

im only 19. im not perfect. AT ALL. far from it, id say. but for some reason, because i love students and seeing poeple challenged to follow christ at a deeper, more intimate level, i get moved to this standard of almost being "unhuman". i know what he means when Mark Moore says "when you're a pastor, you never get to take off the mask".


the way i see it, human beings aren't meant to have to deal with all of the stress of overwhelming obsticles and hardships like this before their time. i echo the words of Meredith Grey when she said "you don't know this yet, but life isn't supposed to be like this. it isn't supposed to be this hard".

life is a roller coaster of experience. hard core roller coaster, too.

now i echo the words of Keith Getty & Stuart Townend, from that great song, when it says

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

-j

a bit raunchy... but genius!

if you hate math... this video is for you.


Bo Burnham New Math - Watch more Free Videos

new vid.

NEW VIDEO!


to see more, check out youtube.com/hopsispossible

so...

that thing about feeling better.

wishful thinking.

completely.

it's official... my 110th post.

feeling somewhat happy because of this.

maybe it shows how up-to-dayte i am with my generation...

or maybe, just maybe...

it shows how lazy and procrastinatory i am.

i tink i jsut amde up a word.


that makes me happy .

i like making up words.


like wonderish

wonderish: adj. not quite wonderful, but pretty cool all the same.

yay!

haha... k. food is good.

im feeling better today... i can feel my nose kinda burning right next to my eye... hopefully some pseudophed can help.

its actually cool today. high of 78... but i doubt it will get that hot.

now... off the the caf. i hope there are serving edible foods today. :D


happy THURSDAY!

"sometimes you're the windsheild, sometimes you're the bug"
-Q

sittin in research methods:

i want to be asleep.

like... right now.

looking at a bright projector that has a defective fan that is rattling and clicking like crazy, sending my head places that it shouldnt be rihgt now.

gaaaah.

so im sick...

who knew that hurling your body down a flight of stairs could do so much damage.

haha

just messin. no flight of stairs were hurtled down in the making of this feature.

but... i do have a sinus infection.

joy.


was thinking on my way here... if i were given one occupation that i would do for the rest of my life, it would be to write.

i love to write.

i love taking ideas and putting them on paper and seeing what happens. seeing where the paper takes them. seeing how life is turned on its ear with the simple stroke of a pen or the tap of a keystroke.

thinking aobut changing the url of this blog... kinda want space. kinda want... to be in a place where nobody knows my name or has seen my face. i wish the world were completely annonymous... i think it might correct a lot of the problems we face in our world today.

think about it: if nobody knew anybody, there would be no harm and no war. there would be no hate, because you wouldn't know someone to hate them.

but, then again, if there were no connections between people... you would forsake (or at least redefine) some of the greatest joys in life.

love, family, friendship, etc.

"take me back toward the sea,
amongst the tide, amongst the sky.
i never thought much of the city lights.

take me bck to where im from
show me the chorus of the sun
they're sneaking like a hideaway

take me back to where im from,
for me theres nothing more
take me back to where im rom.

take me back to where im from,
the sun, the sand, the shore,
take me back to where im from.

yes, im going home.
no other place for me."

was waiting for today... now im waiting for christmas...

just sayin...


yay TONIGHT though... going te see jeff in How To Succeed at RCC.

gonna be a BLAST!

also, on an unrelated story, just got told that there is a HUGE party tonight at stadium pizza: $25, all you can drink (literally) and you get to make your own pizza... this should be a fun night for travel!

Prayers and Luck...

"sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you;re the bug"

ha
-J

8:46 am

there are people hammering outside my window... and there i heard a saw... i want to hurt people.

its FRIDAY!!!

long day filled with appeals to pity, more sawing and maybe even some work.

I CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW!!!

...just sayin.

HAPPY FRIDAY!

this is all that i can say...

I'm Tired... really really tired.

It's weird, but you never quite prepare for those things that come at you like a left hook, when all the while you re focused on the right hand. i guess you cant, really. I mean, how can a person focus on all of the things in their life at one time? these past few days have been tough...

I saw this bumper sticker, and i thought it was incredible. what an image in your head, that because you have gone through that hard times, you know how to get through them... i've heard that before. I've heard that it is supposed to get easier to handle hard times when you have gone through so many of them... and I have gone through wuite a few hard times, so i'm stuck constantly shifting my head from looking back to looking foward, and i keep getting this fear... no, fear is the wrong word... i keep getting this sense of... once again... being in an ocean, with the water all around me getting bigger and bigger and colder and colder, and its getting harder and harder to convince myself to listen to the innate desire inside of me that says "keep swimming".


"father of Grace, I am your child of mercy"...

John came up ot me today, leaned against the wall and said "theres this old saying: 'the man who burns the candle at both ends isn't as bright as he thinks he is'"

point taken... point deserved.

I just want time to stop,
i want to be held in someones arms,
i want to feel the touch of loved one who loves me because of who I am...
not because of what im doing or what i am "capable" of doing... whatever that means.

I heard the story of Brennan MAnning going to a house of a womans father, who was dieing of cancer. He walks into teh room and sees teh man propped up on a pillow, an empty chair beside the bed. Brennan says "Hi. i guess you were expecting me."

"Actually, i have no idea who you are..." the mans said

"oh" replied brennan, "i just assumed because of the empty chair that you were expecting me..."

"oh, that" said the man, "brennan, close the door."

BRennan closed the door and sat with the man and after about a mintue of silence, the man said "i had never learned how to pray... i used ot sit and church and listen to the pastor speak and pray out loud and never knew how he was doing it... so i asked him one day how to pray, and he gave me a famous book about prayer, and within the first 4 pages I had to look up 8 words in the dictionary.

"I gave the book back the next week and said 'thanks', muttering under my breath '...for nothin' and went another year not knowing how to pray, until one day a friend of mine said 'al you have to do is put an empty chair in front of you, sit next to is and have a normal conversation as if you were talking to a good friend.'

"'thats all?' i asked. 'thats all' he told me.'

"now thats how i pray... and i always keep the door shut because i don't want my daughter to see me talking to an empty chiar.

"do you think thats prayer brennan?"

Brennan was astonished, and said "yes... its so simple and profound and rough and easy... that is true prayer"

well, brennan prayed with him and went back to his house, and a fe days later he got a knock on the door. it was the mans daughter again.

"my father dies last night" she said, "i just wanted to let you know that.

"but, brennan... there was something very odd about how he died. i went into his room before i left for the grocery store, and he gave me a kiss and told me another one of his corny jokes, and when i came back he was gone.

"but... when i walked into the room, i saw that just before he died he lifted himself off of his bed and rested his head on the empty chair next to him. it was so strange"

I thought this was an amazing story of a man who loved jesus so much, I want to love Jesus like that. I want to know Jesus in that much of a loving nature, that when i die i can lay my head upon his lap and be held in his arms like the skrewed up little child i am.

so, Abba, sow your seed... im a vessel for breaking under your grace...


i didn't notice you were standing here,
i didn't know that that was you holding me
i didn't notice you were crying, too
i didn't know that that was you washing my feet

and this is all that i can say right now,
and this is all that i can give,
thats my everything.

and now my life song sings...

reposted from Monday, April 16th 2007, and now my life song sings, a story of my senior year
-
man, its been a wierd year. so many things, some seemingly good, some seemingly bad. when i stop and look back at what has happened to me this year, it brings back a specific memmory that sets the stage for everything that follows.

att he end of last year, i was sooo excited. junior year was almost over, amor was coming up, summer was almost here! Everyhing was falling into place for the following year, everything was awesome. i was waling to class one morning outside when i ran into a friend and we started talking about church the following year. well, i was talking about the idea i had for the Middle School group, she was looking at me with a funky look on her face. that was odd. well, that night, Ben, my youth pastor, called me up and said "hey, i need to talk, can you some over?" i said "no i can't, but how about tomorrow?" he said sure. the next day i pulled up at his house, and we sat down and he told me that he had been fired and was no longer apart of our church. at that moment, everything that i had thought about the my future next year and everything i had planned at the church immediately got put on hold and i felt like a large piece of me had been ripped out of my heart without mercy or remorse and a giant whole was left in its place. my heart sank when i learned that Ben and his family would be moving away from Hemet. this, as i look back, was the begining of a long road of events that would unfold over the next few months.

in july, the heart of the summer, we went to my diabetes doctor and told him about a new problem i was having. i had just gotten back from a pission trip in Mexico and ever since i got back i had been having servere musce spasms on my arms and legs. my muscles would randomly flex and it would cause my arms to jerk drastically, which in turn freaked the heck out of my mom. along with the arm and leg-jerking, my bouts of hypoglycemia were becoming lower and more frequent. the doctor said that this is very probable evidence of me having an insulinoma, a tumor of insulin-producing cells on my pancreas. he ordered a ct scan to view the pancreas and hopefully get a glimpse of this insulinoma.

The CT scan came back inconclusive because the guy running the scan really didnt know what he was doing. with a lot of frustrating talk from my doctor (including a lengthy description of how this was evidence of the floundering helth-care system), he ordered me to have an endoscopy. This is a big word that means they stick a camera on a stick down my throat and look around. this was to come in october. apparently, speed is not a word in the health-care vocabulary.

in the beginning of august i had been running around at school one day during registration getting ready for my senior year at Hemet High. getting my t-shirt, getting my schedual, my parking pass, my books, all that fun stuff. after registration i went over to a friend of mines house to hang out. while i was there, She pulled me into her office and said "Josh, God as a message for you. i've been getting this message for you for the past couple of days but i didnt know how to telly ou, i still don't so, i guess i'll just say it. you are going to be put through the refiners fire this year. god is going to refine you into the person you are supposed to be. now, im not sure what that means, maybe you do... but that is the message that i have on my heart to tell you."

i was shocked. what did that mean? was it really from God? why a fire? is it going to be a fire? i was full of questons and confusion, but i did know one thing: when this year was over i was going to be different. but what did that mean?

well, after that my year started off pretty much like the previus years: chambers rehearsal before school started for 2 weeks, the first day of school, the school food, yada yada yada. BUT, this year was different... this year was SENIOR YEAR!!!!! i didnt come to school till 9am, i had a 2 hour break between 3 and 5th period... I only had 2 academic classes... IT WAS AWESOME!!!

then came the end of august, during seussical auditions. that wednesday there was a freak storm across the valley. hemet high flooded, the commons was under water, it was crazy! i didnt realise how crazy it really was untill i went home that night arond six o'clock and found out that the storm had ripped the eves off of the roof and flooded my entire house. within a day my room had become a breeding ground for mold, and the wals were litterally squishy to the touch. my life, for the next two months, had changed dramatically. My family had to move to a motel on the other side of town. I luckily was able to move to a friends house, but this still ended up being a difficult transition from what i had been used to. i forced myself to look at everything with a "could be worse" perspective, partly because there were some good things, but mainly because if i hadn't i probably would have killed something.

during this time i was preparing for Seussical the Musical, th musical Hemet high was putting on this year. I had managed (in utter astonishment) that i had gotten the leading role of Horton the Elephant, heroin of the books from which the musical mainly follows. this was an incredible amoutn of work for everybody in the production. there were over 180 people involved in the making of the show, including a cast of about 75 people. the incredible time involved in having a part in this show was astonishing. i was in the theatre about 5 hours a day after school, and practiced at home (a friends house, not my home) about an hour a night. Seuss songs were in my head all day, i started to relate the Shakespear tragedy Othello to Dr. Seuss. Life, as i knew it, had become brightly painted pictures and cheesy lyrical songs dancing through my head. then, one day in october, the dancers missed a step.

The endoscopy that my Edocrinologyst ordered was not really my idea of fun, but it wasn't terible either. they put me to sleep(ish) with drugs, shoved the tube down me (i woke up a few times and tapped the doctors face, and i heard him say "oops, nurse... more drugs!", then everything went dark again), pumped me up woth air and looked around. the procedure, which was anly supposed to take 45 minutes, took about 2 hours. it turned out that the doctors found a "Large white mass" at the tail end of my pancreas. they took ten biopses (all of which came back inconclusive) and sent me home. My Endocrinologyst said that this was probably the insulinoma that we had been looking for and he sent me to the Chief of Pediatric Surgery, Dr. Don Moores.

Seussical came of Unbelievably well! the book was amazing, the show was incredible... it was the perfect validation of all of our hard work paying off. i felt so special every night when i walked out onto the stage at curtain call and hear that applause, saw those faces when i went out to meet friends afterwords. even now i am still recieving praise for my performance. i couldnt believe it. i had become "THE GUY" of theatre. people around school were coming up to me and talking to me and i had NO idea who they were. it was really cool! people who were in my grade that never talked to me because i was the "wierd kid" were now coming up and accepting me! but the acceptance that i had gotten would be short-lived because of what was about to happpen next in my story...

in november i got to meet with the surgeon, Dr. Moores. he told me that they would be opening me up, gently moving aside my stomach, intestines, and a few other organs to get to where my pancreas was, and then tey were going to cut off half of it. the recovery time, he said, would be about 8 weeks, and ther were all these complicatons that could happen. well, by the end of the meeting we decided to go ahead with the surgery, and we schedualed it for december 15th.

During the months of August through November i had ran into a road-block with the new youth leadership at my church. we were not able to communicate, I had trouble accepting the changes they were making to the ministry, and i didnt appreciate the level of disrespect people were showing during youth group, but i really didnt know how to voice the issues i was facing. well, at the end of november i had to stop being a part of the Youth Band because of Gig season with Chambers. Gig season was a blast this year, expecially now that i had a car! traveling around with Anthony, Brad and eth was so much fun! Driving with the windows down, blasting Hawk Nelson as loud as we could... IT WAS AWESOME!!!



But halfway through gig season, on December 15th, the day of surgery had come upon us. We showed up at Loma Linda University Medical Center at about 5:45 am, I got dressed (well, technically I got mostly undressed. I went from wearing pjs and boxers and stuff to were nothing but a gown… yay), and got into the bed. My mom said I was freaking out. They gave me a few doses of versed and I was pretty doped up J. About 7:30 they wheeled me back into a room that was white and blue and that was it. Blue cabenets and sheets, white floors and countertops. The last thing I remember is them putting in my epideral… and then the next thing I remember is waking up in the post-op recovery room.



I was in the hospital for 9 days, got released 2 days before Christmas. Christmas sucked last year. I could hardly move, I didn't eat, and at the end of he day I took an antibiotic without eating enough food and I succumbed to projectile vomiting… YAY! Recovery was a long and drawn out process, I couldn't really do much other than sit in the house and maybe walk around a little bit.



During this time, at the hospital and afterward, I thought that God had abandoned me. That He was not there, and I was alone. I Got so angry at god that I was in the situation that I was in, and I got so MAD at Him for letting get into that situation, I felt so bad that I just knew God must have left me.



Then I started to get better… little by little, I got better… and I could walk a little more, and I could go out with friends, and I could go to school a few hours a day, and I could go out MORE with friends, and I could spend MORE time at school… and I could eat more… and I was doing SO MUCH BETTER!



I tried out for the play The Miracle Worker, I got the part of Captain Keller, one of the leads… and I felt like I was on top of the world, I felt like I was finally getting back to who I was before……. And this was the problem I think. I had not learned anything out of the situation I was in, and then came another curveball.



I had been doing good, so GOOD! The pain medication was going down, the pain was going down… I was almost done. We were almost done. The Doctors were talking about the last visit I would have to make. And then suddenly… the pain came back again… slowly, ever so slowly…I stated to get sharp shoots of pain, then a dull ache constantly, then BIG sharp pains. And I told God (ok, im listening). The pain kept getting bad, until I told my mom I had to go back into the doctor or he had to give me some type of medication to handle this pain.



Well… I had a CT scan done and I was sent directly to the ER, and from the ER to a 26-day stay at Loma Linda Medical Center. Through this time at the hospital, I finally had time to, for lack of a better word, shut up, and listen up. Finally, I stopped talking… I stopped trying to have everything figured out, I stopped trying to understand everything, stopped dictating my life, and MOST of all, I stopped telling myself what God was saying and actually listened to what He was saying.



And finally, I started hearing Hi whispers. They were really only that, whispers at first, whispers of humility, of circumstance. And then, one day I heard God as clearly as a shout. God was saying to me something that I had heard and preached many times before, but apparently it never stuck or never made an impact until now, but finally god shouted at me and I heard it. I actually heard it. God was saying "every situation is a possibility for you to Honor God. It doesn't matter what the situation is, good, bad, ugly, whatever, if you are a Christian it is your responsibility to use this situation to honor and glorify God, glorify He that is Worthy. It doesn't matter whether you are getting a new car, giving away food at a homeless shelter, taking a test, or sitting in the hospital in loads of pain and overcome in frustration, it is your responsibility to give Honor and Glory to God through the way you handle going through that situation and the manner in which to interact with others.



I know it sounds simple, and I had told this to people before, and I thout I knew it, but it didn't stick until god told it to me. And really, he didn't scream it, he just spoke… but it literally knocked the wind out of me. In every situation, no matter what the circumstance, Give Honor and Glory to God through your actions and your thoughts. See, God Is always around, and its hard to really acknowledge that he is there, but he is. And it is every Christians responsibility to honor Him with every second of our lives, no matter what situation we are in. for the situation is not what matters, it is God that matters. Situations come and go, emotions come and go. The only unchanging objects in every situation you have are you and God. Everything else is changing. And we are called to Honor god with every moment of our lives, and honoring Him means Trusting in His love and power yes… but it also means trusting in His will. His will is not easy to live in, but there is no more amazing place to be than with Him, doing His will for your life. Even if His will takes you to a circumstance that might hurt.

man, looking back on what I have gone through this year, I can see how I have gone from feeling likeall i needed was God, to thinking I didn't even need god, to times when I knew he was there and bad things were happening and times when bad things happened and I didn't feel his presence, and now I can see how God has used the circumstances of my past and has humbled me. He has taught me that without Him I am truly nothing, and that no matter what obstacle I face, what new great thing has happened to me, or something cool I have done, or applause that is given to me, all of that is nothing more that pure blessing. Rick warren once said "You never know that God is all you need until God is all you have got". I thought I knew what that meant before, but as I sit here, not sure what the future will bring, and not really having anyone around me that can help me, I look to God andi know that He is my only hope for Salvation and I look at Jesus Christ, and I see in Him my only hope for salvation, my only was to get to the Father, and my closest friend, without whom I am just dust, here one day, blown away the next. But with Jesus with me, I am significantly insignificant.



who am I to be loved this way?

Sometimes, i think im crazy.

honestly. Sometimes i sit on my bed, staring at my feet and thinking to myself: "am I crazy? I... I must be crazy. there is no other reason for who you are and what you do... you must be crazy."

and I begin to convince myself that everyone around me knows this but they're just not telling me.

and as i begin to go deeper into the implications of these things, i start to hyperventilate.

my breathing gets heavy, my thoughts begin to race, and my head starts to sway from side to side until I tip over, my head landing on my pillow and i have to consciously calm myself down in order to be able to stand up again.

And I hate that.

I feel as though I have become overwhelmed with this sense of hopelessness.

That my life, right now, is hopeless... that I am without hope.

And I don't know what to do with that. I hear all of these people around me talking about their hopes and reams and how God is working in them and around them, and I don't know how to compute these hopeless feelings into that worldview.

Today I was driving back to school and I noticed that I was wishing and hoping that I was sick... not because I want to hurt myself... im not a sudo-masachist, but because if I was sick, this idea of hopelessness would be a mute, and this stirring inside of me would go away.

I am in a class that is walking through the study of John, and we were looking at an obscure passage in john 17, where Jesus is praying for His desciples before He is arrested, and within that passage a verse just jumped off the page at me, nearly knocking me to the floor. Joshn 17:13 “"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them.”.

As I read and re-read the verse, I began to think about this full measure of joy.

And I couldnt understand it. I couldn't understand what part joy played in my life, because at that moment all I could think about was the overwhelming blurr In front of me.

“Where is the joy in this?” I thought. What kind of person am I that is doing the work of God but cannot feel His joy?

What should i tell them tonight...

Well today i was officially voted on and welcomed as the new youth pastor at Huntington Beach Baptist Church.

i had the first youth group with me having that position, and it was pretty legit... and everyone had a large desire for chinese food afterwards.

i got home and a song came up on my itunes that speaks into what im experiencing perfectly...


it's called "should i tell them" by Shawn Groves.


Walking with you is not without hazards
Trippings this traveler's curse
Price paid for falling is more than my stumble
In a world that is watching and waiting for words

But I listened when You said to go
And I set out in spite of my fears
About truth mixed with my imperfection
And the question of what to say when I got here

And now that I'm here
Should I tell them that
You are the one who has made me
And saved me and set up a home there inside
Should I tell them that I am a perfect example
Of all You can do with a life.
What should I say to them?
What if I'm failing them?
What should i tell the tonight?

Now don't get me wrong
I'm thankful to be here
With this song to sing and a spotlight on me,
But lately I'm wondering if you are mistaken,
If you're seeing all of me there is to see.

Cause on every face I detect
The same questions I've posed to you
Like do you speak through the imperfect
Are we too dirty for your light to get through?
I want your light to get through.

What should I tell them when
They're thirsty Lord
My cup is empty Lord
Come and lead me here in this place
Cuz I'm honest, yeah, but I'm unprepared
And I'm just plain afraid...

Should I tell them that
You are the one who has made me
And saved me and set up a home there inside
Should I tell them that I am a perfect example
Of all You can do with a life.
What should I say to them?
What if I'm failing them?
What should i tell the tonight?


this is what im feeling.
i'm often wondering, looking up at God and wondering if he really knows me and who i am... if he really knows who I am, because if he did... would he really be sending me to do this? i mean... who am I? why me? what did i do deserve this?

a dear friend kindly reminded me that there may be better experienced people out there, but they are not HERE... and God does not overlook anything or put people in positions that he doesn't intends to use them in... and i am willing to be here, but i don't know if i can do it right... "what shoudl i tell them? what if i'm failing them..."

here i am, this is me... and i know that i am nothing... which is why i know this is a God thing... because this would have never happened unless he had ordained it.

Should I tell them that
You are the one who has made me
And saved me and set up a home there inside
Should I tell them that I am a perfect example
Of all You can do with a life.
What should I say to them?
What if I'm failing them?
What should i tell the tonight?

why?

It's funny to think that in some times in our lives we get the feeling that life would be so much better if we were in a play. if our lives were scripted. if all we ever had to do was play the part written for us, for that small amount of time, then walk off stage, shake it off and go out for dinner with our friends. It almost always surprises me that Life is often stranger than fiction.

I heard a quote once, "...because take a look around. why would sanity make sense?"

How often our worlds end up flipped upside down and all we can think about is the desire within us to right it, to put it back the way it was, or to turn it into the way it was supposed to be. and when we fail at that endeavor, we cringe and fall under the immense weight of despair and hopelessness.

why is there hurting in the world?

One of my professors taught a new testament survey class once, and one day he walked into class in a robe and phylacteries in order to role-play a Jewish rabbi. he told stories and took questions about his faith (as the rabbi) and expressed in great detail the wonder of being a Jew.

One student brought up the Holocaust, and asked him of his views on that.

"the holocaust was a very horrible time for my people, and we endured many things and lost many things through that time... what a terrible time for us, terrible...terrible..." he explained.

One of his students decided to challenge the professor and said "I believe that the holocaust was a good thing because, in spite of the killing, it deepened you faith and made it more real".

a good thing?

At that moment, the Professor looked away from the boy, to the top left corner of the auditorium, where a young girl, just out of high school, sat... tears welling up in her eyes.

The professor was the only one in the room who knew this girls story.

She had had a baby at the age of 15, and Social Services had come and taken the baby out of her home because no one in the home was fit to raise the child.

This girl had come to College to get a degree,in hopes that one day she would be able to care for her baby again.

Just before class, the girl had recieved a phone call from the baby's socail worker who told her that early that morning that baby had been beaten by a medical worker and had died the hour before.

now, with this ignorant student in the front row proclaiming that it is good for these things to happen, because they deepen our faith, she was un-able to move. he breath had gone short and her bottom lip was quivering in a feeble attempt to keep the tears welling up in her eyes from running down her face.


why do bad things happen?

why do we live in a world so broken, and why the hell are there so FEW PEOPLE out there trying to fix it?

We as people hate noticing things that need to be fixed. we hate going to a shrink because we think we have it all together, we hate having an intimate relationship with God because we might feel inadequate and broken, we even sometimes hate getting into a relationship with some one else because that person might end up leaving us and we would feel that same sting of guilt.

we hate seeing a homeless person on the street, and when we do we look straight ahead, afraid that if we look at him, we will have that FEELING again.

we hate feeling our own depravity, so we walk around with a facade of care and a true sense of apathy toward the world around us.

my question is this: why, if there is pain in the world, are so few people trying to take it away?

why?

"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." -Jesus

FAIL!

some of the best from youtube channel: Failblog

yay!

the fun of the campaign... wow!

I really like mcCain... but this scares me a little bit... and makes me laugh at the same time... can you say "appealing to the crowd?"

no subject necessary...

i don't know who told people i was strong enough to handle this... but im not.


i promise.

new PICTURE GALLERY

so.... i have a new photo gallery... check it out!

http://gallery.mac.com/jquale

YAY!!!

still amazing me...

"Your first dawn blinded you, left you cursing the day.
Entrance is crucial and its not without pain.
Theres no path to follow, once youre here.
Youll climb up the slide and then youll slide down the stairs.

It's foreign on this side,
But it feels like I'm home again.
There's no place to hide
But I don't think I'm scared"

-This Side, by Nickel Creek

Joy. and brilliance

both, included.

thoughts of a tired soul...

This has been a rough weekend... a long nights day. :)

today, though, i found comfort in this story:


A young jewish man goes to his rabbi and says to him

"Rabbi, why is it that the law says that the the word is to be written on out heart, not within our heart?"

and the rabbi said "so that, when your heart breaks, the words will fall inside."

I have also found that Nickel Creek has a way of speaking to me in ways i never thought possible: "its foreign on this side, and the truth is a bitter friend."

love all, worship one.

-Josh

p.s. for all of you, "a true friend rides in your car, no matter how many times you have almost killed them".
meditate on this. :D

ministries collide!

so... this weekend I am leading worship at Community with the guys again... can't wait for that, YAY!!

then sunday ngiht, its my first day as the Director of youth Ministries at Huntington Beach Baptist Church... Please pray for me, and for the students... for their sake. :x

and then on tuesday night, we're kicking off another new ministry im spearheading right now called "The Losers Club: Chillin with the least of these"... im really stoked about this!

heres the info, so if you are in the area of Vanguard University, please stop by!


Please keep me in prayer this year, that i may always remember to keep my hand help on to God alone, "blooming where i stand". (thanks qwest)

God is good, All the time.

love ya guys,
-Josh

the fire pit...

im back at hume, and im freezing... things never really change do they? :)

its about 8 pm, and program staff forgot to light the fire in front of the snack shop, so im really a bit chilled at the moment. the long sleeve amor shirt is not holding its own out here, as i hoped it would.

as i look in front of me a small dog with a bow strapped around her head is wondering around the table, testing the confines of her small leash. she keeps trying to climb to unlit-fire pit to see whats inside.

its funny how we can find reminders of ourselves everywhere.

i wonder if the dog really likes the bow thats strapped to her head... if she really knew what the fashion trends are in the dog world, would she be wearing a bow that is so 1998?

or would she be thinking its really that important to be going into the still-unlit fire pit if she knew what was inside of it?

i wonder what our lives would be like, if we were like that... if we had a dumb bow strapped to out head and didnt care, rather than tryingt o buy $300 jeans that "just fit right"; or if our greatest desire would be to get into a fire pit rather than politics...

how would our lives be different if it were all a little simpler?

i think we would echo something a very smart girl once said: life is divine chaos. embrace it. forgive yourself. breath. yeah...

love all, worship one.
-Josh

wow... ill say it backwords... wow

this is a comment in response to an article on Obama's acceptance speech at the democratic natl. convention.

i hope this is satire...




wow...

-josh

wow

so much to say and not to much time to write them down.

life is good... God is great,

people on the floor ar amazing,
old friends are great
new friends are awesome

feeling better all the time

singing a song of hope,
sing along.

love all, worship one
-Josh

wow...

im still singing a song of hope...

sing along.

on the road again...

im sitting here, my last ngiht at hume lake, and its around 65 degrees outside.

im gonna miss this.

i have a long day of driving tomorrow, so im about to go hit the sack i think.

God is sOOOO Good, and his people are full of His love!

hopefully see some of you soon,

Be love
-Josh

thats MY king...

Boy I wish I could describe Him to ya...
-My King is the King of the Jews (That's a racial king)
-He is the King of Israel (That's a national king)
-He's the King of Righteousness
-He's the King of Glory
-He's the King of Kings
-He's the Lord of Lords
Thats my king

-David said, "the heavens declare the glory of God and the firmaments show of his handiwork"
-My King is a soveirgn King
-No means of measure can define his limitless love
-No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of his shoreless supply
-No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out his blessings
-He is enduringly stong
-He is entirely sincere
-He's eternally steadfast
-He's immortally graceful
-He's imperially powerful
-He's impartially merciful
-He is the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizon of this world
-He's God's son
-He's a sinners saviour
-He's the centerpeice of civilization
-He stands in the of Himself
-He's unique
-He's unparalle
-He's unprecedented
-He is the loftess idea in literature
-He's the highest personality in philosophy
-He is the supreme problem in high criticism
-He’s the fundamental doctrine of true theology
-He is the necessity for spiritual religion
-He’s the miracle of the age
-He is the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him
-He’s the only one qualified to be an all-sufficient saviour
-He supplies strength for the weak
-He’s available for the tempted and the tried
-He sympathizes and He saves
-He strengthens and sustains
-He guards and He guides
-He heals the sick
-He cleanses the lepers
-He forgives the sinners
-He discharges the debtors
-He delivers the captives
-He defends the feeble
-He blesses the young
-He serves the unfourtunate
-He rewards the diligent
-And He beautifies the meek
This is my King!!!

-He is the Key to Knowledge
-He is the Well-spring of Wisdom
-He’s the Doorway of Deliverance
-He’s the Pathway of Peace
-He’s the Roadway of Righteousness
-He’s the Highway of Holiness
-He’s the Gateway of Glory
-His office is manifold
-His promise is sure
-His life is matchless
-His goodness is limitless
-His mercy is everlasting
-His love never changes
-His word is enough
-His grace is sufficient
-His reign is righteous
-And His yoke is easy
-And His burden is light
I wish I could describe Him to ya…

-He’s indescribable
-He’s incomprehensible
-He’s invincible
-He’s irresistible
-You can’t get Him off your mind
-You can’t out live Him
-You can’t live without Him
-The Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him
-Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him
-The witnesses couldn’t get their testimonies to agree
-Herod couldn’t kill Him
-Death couldn’t hold him
-And the grave couldn’t contain Him
That’s my King!!!
And His is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory; forever, and ever, and ever, and ever- How long is that?- And ever, and ever… And when you get through all the forever’s, then amen!

i hate my body... i really do. i hate it that i cannot find whats going on in my tummy... i hate it that im second guessing myself, and trying to act like its not there only ot find that im doubled over in pain afterwards, i hate it that i dont know. i feel like im not in controll of my body right now, and it freaks me out. but i have to remember that i am not supposed to be in controll of my body, God is. if i surrender myself to him, then i surrender my self to him. i have heard it said that faith is the curraige to accept acceptance. i think thats true.

Anna, as i was passing by the security booth thismorning, asked how i was, and i told her what happened. then she leaned her head into the window of my car and asked "josh, is God still on His throne?"

and i had to say "yes", because He is. and i need ot rest in that.

God, grant me the peace and patience to move through this world that has been created around me, and hep me to always turn to you in the midst of this.

a song of hope.

wow... its been a try week.

ill say it backwords... wow.

its funny to think about, but it just hit me earlier in chapel... life sucks sometimes. it really does.

but we still have hope.

we still are in the presence of rescue.

and my God can still kick your gods Butt!

its funny... peter says in one of his books "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..."

hope.

its still possible.

its still here.

im singing a song of hope.

sing along. :-]

this is a story 'bout a guy named al...

sitting here with a great friend, Garrett Benjamin, and friends of his p here... this is good. i love this stuff.

yay.

there was an old man named micheal finnigin...

i used to attend little lake elementary school. i was always the wierd kid, the one who would stay inside during recess and talk with the teacher, or who would be really proud to be a part of the choir and band.

yeah, i was that kid.

when i was in 4th grade, the other boys made a "no gays allowed" club, made solely for the purpose of making me feel like a loser.

i remember walking up to the cool kids, the ones i wanted to be freinds with because they were cool, and as i was running up to them they saw me coming and took off runing away from me as fast as they could. i yelled "HEY! WAIT UP!" and mitch jergensen turned around and said "this is a no gays allowed club, so you cant join".

i had no idea what he was talking about. i would guess that he didnt either.

sometimes i wonder if we've grown up at all. we call ourselves "adults" but most of the time i still feel like a kid, trapped in a grown mans body. i dont want to have the responsibility of being old. i dont want the pressure of being a "GROWN UP".

being up here at hume has been an interesting experience. working a 9 hour day, 6 days a week... it takes it out of ya, and im feeling a little burnt out. when i got back from home a few days ago everything up here was different. i had a new shift, i was working with new people, my roomates had changed... suddenly, after a long week, i come back expecting normalcy... and everything fell apart. i was now working night crew with a group of girls who treated me like i was five years old. yesterday, for instance, they thoguht my break was over (but i had 3 minutes left) and they litterally started counting "1... get back to work now... 2, NOW JOSH... im gonna say three..." and i was like... are you kidding me? really?!?!

this has been a hard week. nothing in the kitchen is working out right, and everything is crashing down on me... im starting to wonder if anything would be different if i was gone. or, better yet, if they would be better if i left.

sitting at dinner last night, i was watching all the other people hang out together and wanted to join in the conversation. but, whenever i would ask what was said, they would say "nothing", and laugh and turn away.

some times life is great and everything is all fine and dandy.

other times, i wonder if anything has really changed, and if im still the same kid that was exiled from the "no gays allowed club", living in the same world, being shut out by all the same people...

do we ever truly grow out of ourselves?

Operation Desert Storm (or, thoughts on returning from kids camp)

man.. i miss home so mch right now, its ridiculous. geting back to hume, it was a long drive, and a weird welcome back. ecerything has changd, im on a different schedual, new people all over my kitchen, and HUGE attitudes that i have to face. quite a difference from a week hanging out with elementary school kids.

its not as hot here, which is good. but i feel like everything inside of me is screaming, and nobody can hear it but me.

Johnny Foster is here, so thats been a blast having fun with him and watching him enjoy hume. i have found that watching people enjoy things gives me a type of joy that i havent really experienced before. God is definately giving me joy when im out of the lime light, which is amazing. he is so good, and He also exists outside the walls and borders of Hume. thats something that was good for me to see. i needed that refreshment.

well, im back to work. hopefully ill update a little later.

dieing to self hurts.

-Josh

why am i here?

So I was wondering what I might say, or respond to the question “why are you up here at hume lake christian camps?”

and I think the best way to respond would be to show a picture. A picture of guys who, at the beginning of the week were awkward and kinda shy around everyone, but by the end of the week were worshipping God with their whole being...

its the story of adam, a kid who on brought us fish that he wanted to freeze for his trip back to hawaii, and on the last ngiht, the night where they call for people to give their life to ministry, adam stood p in the middle of all of his friends, then looked around and looked as though he was thinking “why arent all of youstanding up too?”

its the story of the kid who came up and showed us his self-proclaimed “FACIAL HAIR” (whi turned out to be a mole that had hair growing out of it).

Its the story of the guy who kept coming up to me all week and giving me a high five or a pound, and telling me the story of how one day he ate so much cheese that he was constipated for a whole month (he tell us this as he is holding a cheeseburger that has twice the amount of cheese as it does meat)

its Garret, the lead counselor, who has had some weird medical things happen to him. Who was the wrestling champion in his home state, yet he isnt afraid to wear a giant cow-boy hat with football pads and a bright orange shirt with bright neon-green shoes to help the kids have fun.

Its Brett Wood, whos greatest joy comes from handling campers special diets, making sure they are taken care of and that nothing gets in the way of these kids hearing the Good knews of Jesus Christ.

Its in knowing that I am getting up at 5 AM tomorrow morning to feed these kids breakfast because they came and got to hear about Jesus Christ, and He is the one I am doing it for.

Thats why I am at hume.

God is here.

Come and meet him, and say hey to me along the way!

a robin knows one thing in true,
that he is not an eagle
that, though he tries, and try he might,
he'll never be a beagle.
and as he sits and flaps his wings
to soar above the people,
he see's his shadow follow behind
on all the roofs and steeples

a boy sits down & naval-gazes
staring at his wound.
he knows that, so the surgeon says,
the pain will be gone soon.
and as he falls into the clouds
of wonder, he can see
his body laying brightly and
a shadow underneath

a philosopher gazes at the stars
and on our own own his thoughts reside
images of human depravity
make scars that do not fade
a phrase from some idealist
haunts his rickety frame,
a man, one of The Followers,
who said "Maybe we can change"

as though a bolt of lightning struck,
and caused a flash of night,
a student looks up from the fire
to see the blackened sky
and as the dots of twinkling lights
begin to show, they almost say:
"The shadows prove the sunshine,
and Hope is here today".

-J. Q. 2008

getting to the point.

in the end of galations, paul writes this awesome statement in his own hand, as kind of the "wrap it up, get serius" moment of the letter. he says this:

11 Notice what large letters I use as I write these closing words in my own handwriting.
12 Those who are trying to force you to be circumcised want to look good to others. They don’t want to be persecuted for teaching that the cross of Christ alone can save. 13 And even those who advocate circumcision don’t keep the whole law themselves. They only want you to be circumcised so they can boast about it and claim you as their disciples.

14 As for me, may I never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of that cross,[c] my interest in this world has been crucified, and the world’s interest in me has also died. 15 It doesn’t matter whether we have been circumcised or not. What counts is whether we have been transformed into a new creation. 16 May God’s peace and mercy be upon all who live by this principle; they are the new people of God.[d]

17 From now on, don’t let anyone trouble me with these things. For I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus.

18 Dear brothers and sisters,[e] may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.

paul is getting serius... hes saying that you can have all the outword things you want to... it doesnt make any difference... you can follow all the religious rules and doctrines you want too... but paul says this: "What counts is whether we have been transformed into a new creation." he believes this so strongly that he even blesses those who understand it: living the life means your life is changed from the inside out, and the outside will come. look at verse 17, probably one of my favorite verses in the entire bible: paul writes, in his own hand: "From now on, don’t let anyone trouble me with these things. For I bear on my body the scars that show I belong to Jesus."

what scars do i have? what have i done to show a changed life? do i have any scars to show that i belong to Jesus?

mmmory.

theres this awesome story about a bishop who is counceling a woman who claims she speaks to god and he talks back.

she tells him that she can remember eveything he says.

the bishop, a little curious about whats going on, tells her "ok... the next time you talk to him, tell him to tell you the sins that i confessed last night."

she says " are you sure?"

he says " yes, ask him to tell you all of the sins i confessed last night."

she leaves, and they go abou the ir busines.

a few days later, the bishop meets the girl again, and she comes running up to him and says "hey... i asked him!" and he said "you asked him what i confessed that night? what did he say?"

she got a glisten in her eye and said "you know what... he couldnt remember"


the awesome power of God is made possible in his ability to make us new, to make dead things alive.

God is great, all the time.


now im chillin with the kids in hume-n-beans.

life is good.

heres the story of a girl...

for some reason, im really out of it right now.

just found out that the tech guys over at pondy got a giant tescela coil (spelling?)

a giant coild that shoots out bolts of electricity (commonly referred to as lightning)

i get to be the one who works it.

yay!



its a nice day here at hume, a little warm. i ust checked and my mac says its gonna be in the low 90'2 here this week.

HOT!!

no bueno... but hey, its all good.

its gonna be a great week., CCC is here for camp, a slew of new campers are here... hume SD is starting this week.

its gonna be GREAT!

"experiencing God's love in Jesus Christ means experiencing that one has been unreservedly accepted, approved and infinitely loved, that one can and should accept oneself and one's neighbor." -Walter Kaspar
[Taken from] The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, pg. 63

soo...

i have to be at work in 8 hours-ish.
YAY!

my laundry wasnt dry when i went back to get it, so im stuck in the staff lounge, BUUUUTTT....

its CHICK FLIC FRIDAY!!!

every friday the RD's of the staff put on a chick flick, and today its HOPE FLOATS!!

man... how much better can the night GET?!?!?!

oh... wait...

the people im sitting with just busted out CATCH PHRASE!!!

hope everything is going great,
life is good... eternal life is WAY better.

-Josh
"what can be said about a generation that says that jesus is dead and elvis is alive?"

The glory of His Majesty is found
inside the sleeve of the man on the corner
who sits and wonders
why this world is

the grace of His Majesty is found in
the slobbering words of neil
who sits and stares
wanting just to say hello
and will repeate it until he is understood

the love of His Majesty is found
in jaimee, who is twenty-six
and lovs to wave herhands and
see your smile.

The power of His Majesty is found
in adam, taking a stand and looking down
at his friends around him, and wonders
why they are not stnading also

the Hope of His Majesty is found
in His Citezens crying out, not for
themselves but for the sake of those
who have heard of The Love in vain,
those who have never heard

the Majesty of His Majesty is seen
in anthony, HIV+, Homosexual,
with hep. C who comes to a
bible study to ask “Does God love me?”
and comes face to face with hope.

The Heart of His Majesty is found
in the people who serve him
by serving his people above
themselves, even if it means
that self never comes.

The Peace of His Majesty is found
in caleb, who's love for people and
for God exumes all of those around
him and shows them the Love.

The Joy of His Majesty is found
in the hand of his children
reaching out for Him and also
getting dirty for those around them
wanting to only see the face of his Son.

biscuits.

im tired.

its been a wierd orning.

Caroline dropped the milk machine on her hands and she had to be taken down the hill to the hospital.

breakfast, us being down one hand and with no direction, took forever to get out... panning up egg patties and sausage patties and hashbrowns and biscuits.

it was a nightmare.

but...well... it could have been worse.

i wish i could go to disneyland right now.

really bad.

i dont know why.

theres just something about seeing 60+ middle schoo students go foward, not to accept christ into their heart, but to declare that they believe the Jesus is Lord and the God has RAISED HIM from the dead... theres just something about that that makes you feel completely and totally insignificant.

and yet, in acknowledging Jesus and his Power and GRACE, you relaise that you are significantly insignificant.

God is GREAT.

sing a song of hope, sing it out.
God of Heaven, come down.

love you all,
be the change you want to see in the world.
-Josh

so... first day of actual work and i had an interesting wake up call.

apparently, taking stuff to help you sleep when you have to get up in 6 1/2 hours produces the undeniable act of sleeping through the alarm.

my wake up call was brett (my boss, and a great friend now) standing over me saying

"Josh.... josh.... wake up... JOSH!"

it was 5:45...


i was late to work on my first day on the "JOB"

luckily, within the land of mediocrity comes the concept of grace.

or, as Relient K likes to say,
"The beauty of Grace is that it makes life not fair"

hope this find all well...

Walk worthy of Grace
-J

p.s. there is really nothing quite like middle school ministry
p.s.s. I hate refried beans. (18 cans, to be precise)

the glory of double x's

theres this really cool part of camp up here... probably the most incredible non-soul changing part of hume there is...

it is commonly called the Bike Jump.

in said event, campers from each team ride their bike down the dock of the lake and ride right off the jump at the end, usually performing any combonation of tricks and/or stunts to earn points for their team.

most of them, however, overwhelmed by the combined feelings of fear, excitement and the chemical addition of adrenaline, end up letting go of the bike as soon as they go off the jump and, flailing their arms, smack flly-embarassed into the water while the MC's try to say something witty and humerous in an attempt to save these poor guys (and girls) faces.

it is a glorius thing to watch a young man hurl himself off of a jump and do an amazing trick of physics and aerodynamics, thus generating thunderous applause from the audience.

it is even better when a girl beets everyone and wins the competition.

aint life grand?

...

it was 45 degrees in the bathroom at 8:15 in the morning.

yay.

huh...

i ma so blessed and honored to be a part of this place.

i have heard some amazing stories of How GOD has worked and has hed his hand over this place for a long time. it amazes me to think that i am a part of God's story, just cooking pancakes... a lot of pancakes.

fun story:
in 1980 a man from el salvador, Jorge, decided to take his family on vacation to the US, and they really wanted to see the Giant sequoias, so they came up to kings canyon to see them. well, there was no room at the campsite up on the ridge, but the rangers told him to try this little campground down the hill by hume lake, so he came and set up camp at the campground on the side ofHume. well... this man was n alchaholic, always carried around a iceshest of beer... and he ran out up here, so he went over to the general store on Hume's Property... well, as he went in, he walked up and down the aisles trying to find the beer... not knowing the we keep it in the back for staff, he got really upset and walked outside and started to pace up and down getting more and more upset by the minute... his hands shaking from lack of alchohol.

just then two guys on there way to the general store were walking across the parking lot, Jeff and Graham. As the walked up the the g-store they saw Jorge really upset. well, these guys were on staff for Hume so the asked him what was wrong... and he told them... and ove the next few mintues they told him what the camp was about and shared the gospel with him. right then and there he accpeted Christ . they went the gift shop, baught him a bible, signed it and he left and went back to his campsite.

and the two guys went back to the g-store.

ast year, 2007, Jeff is driving up in idaho and he gts a call on his cell phone.

the man says "is this jeff bell?'

"yes"

"you dont know me, but i have a story to tell you. in 1980 you talked to a man outside of the Hume Lake General Store and lead him teh Christ."

"i did...?"

" now, you don't know it... but that man went back to el salvador and converted his whole family to the Lord, tehn he built a christian school for children to learn about JEsus... then realised that the only kids that were coming were the rich kids ho could afford it so he built another school for the poor and made it free. he then turned those schools over the churches that he had planted and built many many more schools and churches in elsalvador.

that man was my father.my name is Jorge Mallina, and My father shared the gospel with my entire family.

im Calling from Florida. I am the pastor of a church of 10,000 people here, reaching the lost for the Kingdom,
and i just wanted to call and say thank you.

thank you".

the conversation went on long into the night and the morning... but istn it awesome how those two guys who had no idea they were going to meet anyone, who were probably going to the general store for a coke or some ice cream, met a man from el Salvador and started this chain reaction that has saved THOUSANDS of people...


all because of Hume LAke.

i am so excited to be here.

God is SO GOOD!!!

love you guys,
update later.
-j

huh

so... im gettting kicked out of staff lounge.

yay.

have a great one.

update tomorrow.

-j

huh

theres this crazy thing about the Gospel of Jesus... it works through everything...

i once heard a dumb chuck norris joke that said "Jesus Walks on water, chuck norris swims through land"... and the crazy thing that hits me as i think of Gods grace and the Hope of what we go throguh: it moves through land, and water. meaning it goes through the think and thin and keeps hitting and hitting and gets down deep until it hits the very core of us and changes us from the indie out.

i think we, as people, need to be changed from the inside out, to fall in love with jesus and in suit follow his commands.

God is Good, and so is His Grace!


love you all... im going back to learn about food safety!!

YAY!

-J

man oh man

whata day

this morning got up and went to breakfast, took a ride around the lake (hich was awesome! i havent done that before!)

then i found out i was able to help out up at the Warehouse to help build the chapel sets for Hume San Diego's set... that was a lot of fun and a lot of work... chalking lines, painting, tracing stuff off of a projector, building and puting up sets... it was a good days work. at least it was productive, unlike the past 2 days :)

today all the rest of the hume staff got here, so there are a LOT of people running around this place. we had our first session of welcome as a staff, and it was great. I now understand the meaning of hume's mission and desire for students. it is awesome to see the drive that people have and to hear the stories of God's hand over hume the past years.... it has been aweosme!

i get to be a part of the opener! thats gonna be a fun experience! i am going to be backstage. they offered to let me try out but i kinda want to be backstage, not where people can see me... i dont know why... just want this summer to be me in the background. i like it, i've decided.

im listenning to the cd by the worship team up here last summer, and the line of one of there songs says "Lord, i tremble now for i'm on Holy ground" and thats how i feel.

to be in a place where so many people EVERY YEAR accept Christ, and hear about what He has done for them and to respond to that... it is just aweosome!

i am going to let this be the desire of my heart this summer, taken from the cd of the guysfrom last summer:

"And my heart sings the song that cannot be sung unless ou are near.
to know you, Lord, is the cry of my heart, ir the all of my life.
let all else fade away until all i persue is you."

peace,
-Josh

"boredom" is spelled N-O-W-O-R-K

DAY THREE OF NOT HAVING TO DO ANYTHING... I JUST GOT DONE WITH A RIDE AROUND THE LAKE.

I THINK IM GOING TO GO UP TO THE PROGRAM WAREHOUSE AND HELP BUILD SETS FOR THE HUME SAN DIEGO CAMP, OR SEE IF THEY NEED HELP IN PNDEROSA OR MEADOW.

YAY!

HOPE TODAY IS GOING GREAT!
-JOSH

I GOT A BIKE!!!!

yay!!! i just went down the hill with Kyei to Target and got a bike!


YAY!!

IM NO LONGER BI-PEDAL!!!!

(that was not a sexual inuendo)

:)

hope everything is going great!
Be Love!
-Josh

yay BREAKFAST!

i got up early enough for breakfast today!

yay!

i love the feeling of a full tummy in the morning lol.


so... Kyei got here last night, that was good... and i think that life is going to be great from now on!

i cant wait for the rest of the staff to get here and for the camps to start rollin in!

i have thought alot about descipleship and salvation the past few days... if you havent read BRennan MAnnings book "the Ragamuffin Gospel" yet, you definately should! its a great read, it'll get at you down deep and make you want to cry at times, but it really shows you the powerful message of Jesus of Nazereth, the God who ate with sinners.

anyway... ill update a little late.r

i need to see if i can go down the hill today and maybe buy some more pants :)

God is Love,
be His love today!
-Josh

a great day for nothing!

so im off for 2 WHOLE DAYS!!!  

this will be the longest time i get off for the rest of the summer, save for july when ill be going home for a week to be a counselot for our kids camp.

yay!

just did my first load of laundry, im almost done with a giant bottle of water, and im finishing Brennan Mannings Book: The Ragamuffin gospel.

hope everyone is doing great!

-Josh

Nothing you could ever do could make God love you any less.

nothing.

WIZ (or, the science of cleaning 6 ovens)

man oh man oh man... today wa a long long day! 

i cant tell you how much i love being up here! the people are great, the weather is great, and the kids are coming up here in a few days and i CAN'T WAIT!!! 

yesterday i cooked over 1000 hamburgers... my gosch... it was insane! and today i made about 200 grilled cheese sandwiches and shredded 6 potroasts... man! what a day! (not to mention i degreased 6 ovens, scraped them clean... whew!)

its  been a long day... but i feel great. its wierd how hard work can make you happy! 

:)

right now im sitting the the ever-popular Hume Staff Lounge, chillen with some peeps named natalie and asher (how cool of a name is that?) and wishing i got more food from the G-Store before they closed... im HUNGRY!! remind me to stock up on stuff tomorrow.

so i have the next 2 days off before i go crazy! i just got my schedual, i wokr monday-saturday 5:30-2:30... im so excited!

yay!

so... i think i might go hit the sack, or hunt down some food. 

God is good, all the time!

-josh

Goodmorning!

its a nice brisk morning here at Hume... it was a great start to a day... i woke up and headed off to breakfast (Camp Pancakes, YUM! :P)  then made my way out ot hte lake to read, and i was reading ecclsiastes, starting in Chapter 3... and it was perfect! it said this: 

A Time for Everything
 1 There is a time for everything, 
       and a season for every activity under heaven:

 2 a time to be born and a time to die, 
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, 
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, 
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

 6 a time to search and a time to give up, 
       a time to keep and a time to throw away,

 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, 
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

 8 a time to love and a time to hate, 
       a time for war and a time for peace.

a great way to start a summer, im glad i read that. 

I just pray, and ask you to do that same, for God to show me what he wants nfor me this summer... for me to b able to rejoice in the awesome power of God the Father and his son JEsus Christ!

the last thing i read today was in ecc. chapter 5, the very end... it says "God keeps such people so busy enjoying Life that the take no time to brood over the past."... 

how GREAT the grace of God! 

update a little later. 

-Josh