inhibitors.

sometimes i wish i was smaller. that i would be able to curl up and hide away from people and things around me... its wierd, how god gives us hearts for different things... i have a heart for people and for being of use to people, and it seems recently that im being put in situations where i am helpless to help people, because either i am far away or my help is not even thought of, or worst of all, my help is offered and rejected. its a hard thing to think about, to come to grips with: not having your life be useful... i love it that i can be here, and love people and be tehre and listen to people, but sometimes i feel like im not being used to help people the way i want to... and i am forced to think that it might be something wrong with me... that i am the one to blame for not being mroe open to being used.

i was reading in Luke the other day, and Jesus is informed by his desciples that his mother and brothers are outside the house, and he says "anyone who does the will of God is my mother and sister and brother." later he says "The work of God is this: to believe the one he has sent."

therefore if you believe in the one he sent, then you are a brother of christ... but believing in the one he has sent is HUGE! it requires everything of us...

i hope that i am being the kind of person who encourages that, encourages people to follow and believe in Christ, not be a discourager or an inhibitor.

God help us.

something worth dieing for.

isnt it wierd how we tend to group people together?

i cant tell you how many times i've been talking, sitting around, and someone says something rpovacotive, and immediately someone always asks "whats your major?"

and i sit back and laugh...

anyway, thats not what i want to talk about.

i was feeling restless last night so me and a friend of mine took a drive down the 1... we didnt driv too far, but i just neede to get out and go...

we talked about alot of random things, about girls and about God and about life and jokin around.

but in the midst of it all we started talking about what it means to be a real christian... and i really think that we take the Christian faith a lot easier than it really is. Its funny, when you think about the things that jesus asked us to do, it really comes down to just a few things: Preach the Gospel, and Die to yourself.

and i know that i fail miserably at both of those, and when you look at it... life is hard. the christian life is hard to do... it requires EVERYTHING of you...

and still... Jesus says to us "come to me, you who are weary... and i will give you rest."

To live as a christian is Hard... but thats the amazing thing about Christ, he gave us his name... which is amazing, but far beyond that, he gave us Himself.

to have That, That is worth dieing for.

huh...

i feel this weight in my chest... and i dont know what it is...

i think that life can press in on us sometimes... and a lot of times we cant feel it untill its so heavy that its hard to breath.

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
-Jesus of Nazareth

thats a Wrap! Ending thoughts of tour

"All that have life and breath, Praise Ye The Lord! Shout to the Lord, Alleluia!"

I'm not entirely sure what to put here... i know i have so many stories to tell, so many awesome realizations about God that i have seen, so many awesome things to think about, but as i sit here in the Fosters Dorm Room, writing a blog and hearing Jonny singing worship songs and praises to Jesus and how awesome that is... i star to think about what was important on tour.

i am tempted to say that the best part of it all was the homestay's, we were blessed with a awesome home-stays and families along our way, people who Loved JESUS and loved other people so much, it was awesome. God was honored with that... God was honored with the people that loved us that much that they wold give away everything to make sure we were taken care of.

i am tempted to say that the most important thing about tour was the concerts and the fun that we had with the people who were there to listen to us, and the kids that came up and sang with us, and the looks on faces when the holy spirit showed up. how awesome was that? pretty awesome.

I'm also tempted to say that the relationships we built on the trip was the most important thing... that we learned so much about so many people, we got closer as a group... i thought it was awesome how i got to know people so much better that i thought i knew pretty well already... but God shows us new thins every day.

i think about all these things, about the people we ministered to, and the people we ministered with and how Gods spirit showed up in it all over the place, but as i sit and write this... the only that that matters to me Right now is that God was praised and glorified with us on the tour...

listening to jonny sing and play his guitar and worship Jesus... to be present for that, and to be a witness to the love that he has for God and how much passion there is in that... to see Gods children truly glorify him... that was the most important thing... the most important thing was that God was the most important thing... that we can live and love him and through that love of him we can love others...

We are definitely designed to live in community with other believers... i don't think there is any getting around that... and this trip just solidified more and more how, when Gods children come together to honor him and have a good time doing it... something special happens: Gods spirit is there with us, and angels join us in praise of Him, and we get the opportunity to join in chorus with every other person on the planet in worshipping our Savior and our God.

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise Him all creatures here below, praise Him above ye heavenly hosts, Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

Now, to the King, eternal immortal and invisible; to the only God be honor and glory and power, Amen!"

We're better together!
-josh

Tour, Day 5

Word of the Day: i honestly cannot remember.
Joke of the day: way to long ot say, but if you've been aorund me, you've probably heard it before, i tell it all the time... "ok, im hiding naked inside a refridgerator".

:)

Journal:
Man oh man... today was a long-distance day... woke up in reedley CA, took a quick shower and got to the bus at 6:00 am. yay. drove 2 hours to Bakersfield CA... got out and sung for the Bakersfield Christian High School students... which went well i guess... hgih school students, what can you do?

then we had lunch and got on the bus and drove straight from Bakersfield to Vegas, with a 20 minute stop in between (where i had my favorite, PANDA!! and the best orange chicken ive ever had)... with the stop it took us about 4:45 minutes to get to vegas. we drove through downtown and went straght to an AG church, had dinner and sung there and now im sitting at this great awesome house... with the nicest people you will ever meet.

its funny, im loving the tour... i thought i was going ot hate it at first... but im really loving it... chillen with Jonny and rachel and Kyei and Tim and all of us, finding out how we can work together to get stuff done... singing and blessing peole and really, honestly ministering to peoples lives every day. i never thought you could do that with a choir.... i thought choir was all about rules and music, and it is to a point, but the fruits of that are the people who you can see are being renewed by the Holy SPirit's move through us and in us... how awesome is it that we can share in that awesome experience!

i've been thinking a lot lately about community... and how we are meant to live in it and what that looks like... but more of that to come later... after tour, when the person next to me isnt trying to go to sleep.

never forget: God is good, all the time!
Rejoice!

we're truly better together!
-Josh

day 4

Word: Duende: to attract someone with natural ability

6:45 am- main thought: “why am I awake right now?”

After lunch: its been a great day so far… morning… I didn’t want to get up, and I didn’t want to get dressed, but we got to this school and the theatre was HUGE!

After that we went to a giant mall and me went to a STARBUCKS!! And then to borders and then to sit in front of a random café and played Egyptian Rat Skrew, BS and Catch Phrase for about 1 ½ hours. Then to a menonite church… which was HUGE… and I now im sitting in a house outside or Reedley CA with some great guys who are in high school.

Now… sleep sounds great!!

God is teaching me something: Rejoice: God has overcome the World.

So I woke up today and said to myself: Maybe today, Lord, Maybe today.

day three

Word of the Day: Lucubrate, meaning “To stay up late to study” if you need to lucubrate later, that’s between you and Jesus, but it may be necessary to graduate”

Joke of the day: Whats worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman who wont do what they’re told.

Journal: today started out really really early!

We thought we had to be at the bus at 6:20, but we already got up at 5:00… lame… and we went to the gas station to get water and stuff at 6:15, and while we’re there Johhny gets a call that says we’re already 15 minutes late and we were supposed to be there at 6:00 am. Lame.

But, once on the bus, Jaimee did a devotional and said something that really stood out to me… in passing, she said “we are called right now to where we are”… and that just hit me. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what im going to do after college, and how im going to prepare myself, and what that might look like, and how god is preparing me now, and that just hit me… we are called by god to be where I am riht now… and that was amazing for me. The rest of the day followed suit. We went to this really HUGE house tonight, amazingly big and grand and right by a river and lots of property… it was just a huge house… and it’s a friend of mines house from VU… who knew?

I got a call at night that said my grandfather had had a diabetic coma and was not doing so well at the moment, he was not responsive and not able to do anything… not the knews I was wanting to hear about a that moment in the trip. God has really been working with me on the whole acceptance thing is truggle with… its amazing how, when you atruggle with something and God wants something to happn abot it.. he just shoves it at you… that’s what ive been feeling like on this trip… from when I heard about roommate situations for next year, to the way I have been feeling left out myself… and I have ot be really careful not to fall into that any more… im startingt o realize that Gods grace really is enough… for everything. Its changing my perpective on things…

So, we stayed in a hotel tonight… yay. No internet access… I guess this journal will remain on Word until I find it… the word shal never know my secrets! Lol

More to come.

Day two

Word of the day: Loquacious

Joke of the day: how do you get a guitar player to play softer? Put sheet music in front of him.

Journal:

Waking up in the morning wasn’t a pleasant experience… we got up at 6:45, and had to be at the church by 7:20… no bueno. Warm ups, tired voice, tired body not wanting to wake up…

The concert started to go on, and I wasn’t really in the mood to be singing at that point… I was thinking about my voice being gone, the fact that this was only the first of 8 days on tour, and the first of three concerts that day. It was going to be a long day… but then something caught my attention: I was looking out, and there about 5 rows back on the aisle was this little old man, looked like he was about 55 or 60, and he… he was happy. He was SO happy, raising his hands while we worshipped, dancing around, literally dancing around the aisles and clapping and cheering for jesus. Man… that broke me a little bit… if I am struggling over these dumb, meaningless nothings and letting them ruin my day, and this guy is throwing all his cares away and loving and worshipping and dancing with jesus… how amazing is that? And who am I to not? Who am I to let these meaningless nothings get in the way of my ministry to these people?

And then there was the 5 people in the middle section that were crying all through the service because they had lost a member of their family this week… and while we’re having a fun time and joking around, these people are crying and hurting… those are the people that need our love… or the kids that came up and sang with us on “peace like a river” last night… I believe that Christ’s hands and feet are yes, the hands and feet of missionaries, and of pastors and stuff, but also they are in the love of one person for another. these are the people that we are sent to… and I need to get out of the way of my own feelings and frustrations and worries… God will provide, I need to trust that.

More to come later.

Thoughts:

Why do we play with fire?
Why do we run our finger through the flame?
Why do we leave our hand on the stove-
Although we know we're in for some pain?

Cages or wings?
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds.

-Jonathan Larson

just singin along: Choir Tour 2008- Part 1

so... i think im going to be keeping a log of things over tour on here... just to pass the time and wrap up thoguhts i might have for the next few days. so thats what im going to do... bear with me please.

Day 1
That was one of the longest bus rides in the world! :)

sitting on the bus for 5 1/2 hours.

yay.

but it was good... chillen with Jonny foster and C.S. Lewis, havin taco bell and tellin stories... good times.

then we got to the church and chilled/set up for a while. My voice just died as soon as we got the the church, so i spent the time there not singing and *trying not to talk... thats really hard for me... :)

now, im at the homestay, chillen with the fam and eatin dinner and watching aaron play a dumb "spank the monkey game" on his laptop, and writing a few words down.

God is always faithful and always good... and i am trying to learn to be content in any situation.

God;s working on that with me...

well...another fun-filled adventure of singing tomorrow...

yay CHOIR TOUR!!

garden-talk

JEsus decided one night to go to a garden, right before he knew he was going to die... he chose to go to a garden and pray to His father... this had to be the hardest time in His life... Luke actually says that His sweat "was like drops of blood falling to the ground"... its an interesting phenomenon, this "sweat and blood" thing. it has been shown in medical journals i have looked up and in individual cases of people going through times of excruciatingly-high levels of stress to have the pressure of Blood-Gasses and bloodpressure rise so high that it over-powers the small capillaries around the face, and you will actually start to "sweat blood", meaning small amounts of blood, mixed with sweat, will come out of your pores... this only happens under times of Extreme Mental Stress... jesus was wiggin...

I dont know about you, but when i get mad or frustrated, i tend not to want to share it with people... i bottle it up inside, i mull it over in my mind and in my stomache, and i start to feel like i have to throw up and i start to sweat terribly and get almost catatonic... people will talk to me and i have no idea what they are saying, people are touching me and i dont register it... i bottle things up so much when i get mad or frustrated... i dont like to talk about it... and i think this is what jesus was doing... just mulling it over and over and over in his mind, the pain he was going ot have to recieve and the torture it was going to be... and he realised that the only way he was going to get through it is if he completely relied on God the Father to hold him up... and in the end, i guess it did... held him up to a cross...

but the thing that i am concerned about is not the garden or the prayer, its who he brought with him... Jesus always, it seemed, had these three guys around him... Peter, James and John. James and John were brothers and PEter was a lowly sinner and ignorant fisherman, completely un-worthy and actually shunned away from any type of religious scholarship. Peter was a screwup, his buddy's were fisherman too, they were skrewups too... but for somereaosn, JEsus always had these three guys around him... and you know that they were important to him, that they meant the World to Him, because he takes them with him off by themselves almost, it seems, just for comfort and for possibly one last conversation between these four good friends... but peter, James and john do what they are good at... they skrew up. Jesus asks them to sit over here and pray (im guessing they werent exactly sure what to pray for, but nevertheless, to pray) and jesus went, as luke says, "about a stones throw"... so about maybe 35, 40 feet away and prays himself. but see... it was late, they just had a big dinner, and these three boys are getting kind tired and they soon, in the middle of praying kinda lose their thought and fall asleep.

Now, i cant prove this, but i think im right... i can just imagine Jesus comes back from praying the first time to talk with his friends about whats on His mind... and as he walks up, he finds them all asleep... and like i said, i cant prove this, but ill bet he got this sinking feeling in his stomache, because the people whom he counted closest to him had let him down again.

He goes on to wake them up and kinda confront them a little bit and thees more prayer and more confronting and wake-up and such... and the story goes on... but i am really interested in that little exchange.


I am a firm believer that life is not meant to be lived by yourself... i think that just about every social aspect of life was designed to be lived in community with everyone around us... you can stone me if you want to or point fingers and tell me that i am wrong and a heathen if you want, but nothing i have seen in this life points otherwise. i am a firm believer that we are better together. that God has wired each and every one of us to be communal people. (i have a secret... im not the only one who feels this way... look at the work of Shain Claiborne and Rick Warren and that other guy... Jesus i think his name was...=P) All through the bible you get these stories of people being relational, of worshipping and having an intimate relationship with God as well as people. WE read verses like Ecclesiastes 4:7-9 and Proverbs 27:17, which talk about people sharpening people and living life together in ralationship with God... and i dont think there is any way to get away from that.

Now, this is not to discount the hugely-important idea of spending alone time with yourself and with God, dont get me wrong. that is extremely important, but i think that if you look at the way we think and live and the creator that made us, we have tno other choice but to be relational people. Look at Genesis 1, "we will make man in OUR own image, to be LIKE US". God, in his very nature, is relational. we, in our nature, are relational.

i am really interested in what wold happen if we started to try and live our lives this way. WE, in america, are taught that there is no greater virtue then to be completely independant, that to not rely on anyone... that is real freedom. and we want to be free! Right? well... first of all... there is something amazingly different about the gospel of the United states and the GOspel of Jesus... in the Gospel of america, independance is key... in the Godpel of JEsus, INTER-dependance, or Co-dependance, is key... we are not saved by our independant faith an ability ot rely on ourself, we are saved by our faith and assurance in Jesus and god, taking our independance out of the equation, and all throughout the bible we see stories and wisdom words that almost scream out "DON'T YOU GET IT? LIVE YOUR LIVE'S TOGETHER! HELP EACHOTHER! Build one-another up and help sharpen eachother to be who God made you to be!"

Just as Jesus had his small- close-knit group around him, what would it look like if we did that? if we brought and built up a small close-knit group of friends that we could all encourage and strengthen eachother and walk through life, not as individuals trying to find our way, but as a small group of the Church of Christ that is coming at the trials and joys of the world together, saying "Our God is King, and His Kingdom Reigns!"?

what would that look like?

or, i guess the better question is... why isn't it happening already?

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecc. 4:9-12

-Josh

i feel stuck in the middle...

it sucks, when you find yourself between a rock and a hardplace. at first, all you can thin about it getting the heck out of there, and how you would do that... but then, it seems that every time you try to move, it hurts... and eventually you get to the point where all you want to do is stay there, becasue just the thoguht of trying to get out scares you.

why does life have to be so hard sometimes?