what heights of love, what depths of peace

i remember when i was a kid, i used ot read the ender series.

HAve you read those? its really a great series, starting with Enders Game allthe way through countless novels by orson scott card.

Ender, the main charachter and heroin of Enders Game, is a small boy who, a "third", a special case "third child" pregnancy authorized by the government in the hopes that he will be be the next GREAT COMMANDER of the Worlds forces against the dreaded bugger army.

Ender becomes all they ever wanted and more... and he goes through this period in his training where he suddenly has surpassing respect, even command, over every other student in the Battle School he attends. They Salute him in the hall. they get up when he comes in the room, they stop their conversations and jokes when he enters. they all address him as sir.

all before he's 11 years old.

this amazes me.

and ender gets so fed up with all this "DAMN RESPECT" that he literally snaps.

i feel like this sometimes. it seems like ever since i started in as the "Youth Pastor" at hbbc, and started the "least of these" group at VU... im not Josh anymore. now, im this guy who is supposed to be the very nature of Jesus in every effect. a guy who never spits, never cusses, never thinks or says things immoral.

people looka t me differently. im no longer "one of the guys" now im the "YOUTH PASTOR" or "THE GOD-GUY". you cant talk about that stuff around HIM.

im only 19. im not perfect. AT ALL. far from it, id say. but for some reason, because i love students and seeing poeple challenged to follow christ at a deeper, more intimate level, i get moved to this standard of almost being "unhuman". i know what he means when Mark Moore says "when you're a pastor, you never get to take off the mask".


the way i see it, human beings aren't meant to have to deal with all of the stress of overwhelming obsticles and hardships like this before their time. i echo the words of Meredith Grey when she said "you don't know this yet, but life isn't supposed to be like this. it isn't supposed to be this hard".

life is a roller coaster of experience. hard core roller coaster, too.

now i echo the words of Keith Getty & Stuart Townend, from that great song, when it says

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

-j