sitting here with a great friend, Garrett Benjamin, and friends of his p here... this is good. i love this stuff.
yay.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
there was an old man named micheal finnigin...
i used to attend little lake elementary school. i was always the wierd kid, the one who would stay inside during recess and talk with the teacher, or who would be really proud to be a part of the choir and band.
yeah, i was that kid.
when i was in 4th grade, the other boys made a "no gays allowed" club, made solely for the purpose of making me feel like a loser.
i remember walking up to the cool kids, the ones i wanted to be freinds with because they were cool, and as i was running up to them they saw me coming and took off runing away from me as fast as they could. i yelled "HEY! WAIT UP!" and mitch jergensen turned around and said "this is a no gays allowed club, so you cant join".
i had no idea what he was talking about. i would guess that he didnt either.
sometimes i wonder if we've grown up at all. we call ourselves "adults" but most of the time i still feel like a kid, trapped in a grown mans body. i dont want to have the responsibility of being old. i dont want the pressure of being a "GROWN UP".
being up here at hume has been an interesting experience. working a 9 hour day, 6 days a week... it takes it out of ya, and im feeling a little burnt out. when i got back from home a few days ago everything up here was different. i had a new shift, i was working with new people, my roomates had changed... suddenly, after a long week, i come back expecting normalcy... and everything fell apart. i was now working night crew with a group of girls who treated me like i was five years old. yesterday, for instance, they thoguht my break was over (but i had 3 minutes left) and they litterally started counting "1... get back to work now... 2, NOW JOSH... im gonna say three..." and i was like... are you kidding me? really?!?!
this has been a hard week. nothing in the kitchen is working out right, and everything is crashing down on me... im starting to wonder if anything would be different if i was gone. or, better yet, if they would be better if i left.
sitting at dinner last night, i was watching all the other people hang out together and wanted to join in the conversation. but, whenever i would ask what was said, they would say "nothing", and laugh and turn away.
some times life is great and everything is all fine and dandy.
other times, i wonder if anything has really changed, and if im still the same kid that was exiled from the "no gays allowed club", living in the same world, being shut out by all the same people...
do we ever truly grow out of ourselves?
yeah, i was that kid.
when i was in 4th grade, the other boys made a "no gays allowed" club, made solely for the purpose of making me feel like a loser.
i remember walking up to the cool kids, the ones i wanted to be freinds with because they were cool, and as i was running up to them they saw me coming and took off runing away from me as fast as they could. i yelled "HEY! WAIT UP!" and mitch jergensen turned around and said "this is a no gays allowed club, so you cant join".
i had no idea what he was talking about. i would guess that he didnt either.
sometimes i wonder if we've grown up at all. we call ourselves "adults" but most of the time i still feel like a kid, trapped in a grown mans body. i dont want to have the responsibility of being old. i dont want the pressure of being a "GROWN UP".
being up here at hume has been an interesting experience. working a 9 hour day, 6 days a week... it takes it out of ya, and im feeling a little burnt out. when i got back from home a few days ago everything up here was different. i had a new shift, i was working with new people, my roomates had changed... suddenly, after a long week, i come back expecting normalcy... and everything fell apart. i was now working night crew with a group of girls who treated me like i was five years old. yesterday, for instance, they thoguht my break was over (but i had 3 minutes left) and they litterally started counting "1... get back to work now... 2, NOW JOSH... im gonna say three..." and i was like... are you kidding me? really?!?!
this has been a hard week. nothing in the kitchen is working out right, and everything is crashing down on me... im starting to wonder if anything would be different if i was gone. or, better yet, if they would be better if i left.
sitting at dinner last night, i was watching all the other people hang out together and wanted to join in the conversation. but, whenever i would ask what was said, they would say "nothing", and laugh and turn away.
some times life is great and everything is all fine and dandy.
other times, i wonder if anything has really changed, and if im still the same kid that was exiled from the "no gays allowed club", living in the same world, being shut out by all the same people...
do we ever truly grow out of ourselves?
Monday, July 28, 2008
Operation Desert Storm (or, thoughts on returning from kids camp)
man.. i miss home so mch right now, its ridiculous. geting back to hume, it was a long drive, and a weird welcome back. ecerything has changd, im on a different schedual, new people all over my kitchen, and HUGE attitudes that i have to face. quite a difference from a week hanging out with elementary school kids.
its not as hot here, which is good. but i feel like everything inside of me is screaming, and nobody can hear it but me.
Johnny Foster is here, so thats been a blast having fun with him and watching him enjoy hume. i have found that watching people enjoy things gives me a type of joy that i havent really experienced before. God is definately giving me joy when im out of the lime light, which is amazing. he is so good, and He also exists outside the walls and borders of Hume. thats something that was good for me to see. i needed that refreshment.
well, im back to work. hopefully ill update a little later.
dieing to self hurts.
-Josh
its not as hot here, which is good. but i feel like everything inside of me is screaming, and nobody can hear it but me.
Johnny Foster is here, so thats been a blast having fun with him and watching him enjoy hume. i have found that watching people enjoy things gives me a type of joy that i havent really experienced before. God is definately giving me joy when im out of the lime light, which is amazing. he is so good, and He also exists outside the walls and borders of Hume. thats something that was good for me to see. i needed that refreshment.
well, im back to work. hopefully ill update a little later.
dieing to self hurts.
-Josh
Saturday, July 05, 2008
why am i here?
So I was wondering what I might say, or respond to the question “why are you up here at hume lake christian camps?”
and I think the best way to respond would be to show a picture. A picture of guys who, at the beginning of the week were awkward and kinda shy around everyone, but by the end of the week were worshipping God with their whole being...
its the story of adam, a kid who on brought us fish that he wanted to freeze for his trip back to hawaii, and on the last ngiht, the night where they call for people to give their life to ministry, adam stood p in the middle of all of his friends, then looked around and looked as though he was thinking “why arent all of youstanding up too?”
its the story of the kid who came up and showed us his self-proclaimed “FACIAL HAIR” (whi turned out to be a mole that had hair growing out of it).
Its the story of the guy who kept coming up to me all week and giving me a high five or a pound, and telling me the story of how one day he ate so much cheese that he was constipated for a whole month (he tell us this as he is holding a cheeseburger that has twice the amount of cheese as it does meat)
its Garret, the lead counselor, who has had some weird medical things happen to him. Who was the wrestling champion in his home state, yet he isnt afraid to wear a giant cow-boy hat with football pads and a bright orange shirt with bright neon-green shoes to help the kids have fun.
Its Brett Wood, whos greatest joy comes from handling campers special diets, making sure they are taken care of and that nothing gets in the way of these kids hearing the Good knews of Jesus Christ.
Its in knowing that I am getting up at 5 AM tomorrow morning to feed these kids breakfast because they came and got to hear about Jesus Christ, and He is the one I am doing it for.
Thats why I am at hume.
God is here.
Come and meet him, and say hey to me along the way!
and I think the best way to respond would be to show a picture. A picture of guys who, at the beginning of the week were awkward and kinda shy around everyone, but by the end of the week were worshipping God with their whole being...
its the story of adam, a kid who on brought us fish that he wanted to freeze for his trip back to hawaii, and on the last ngiht, the night where they call for people to give their life to ministry, adam stood p in the middle of all of his friends, then looked around and looked as though he was thinking “why arent all of youstanding up too?”
its the story of the kid who came up and showed us his self-proclaimed “FACIAL HAIR” (whi turned out to be a mole that had hair growing out of it).
Its the story of the guy who kept coming up to me all week and giving me a high five or a pound, and telling me the story of how one day he ate so much cheese that he was constipated for a whole month (he tell us this as he is holding a cheeseburger that has twice the amount of cheese as it does meat)
its Garret, the lead counselor, who has had some weird medical things happen to him. Who was the wrestling champion in his home state, yet he isnt afraid to wear a giant cow-boy hat with football pads and a bright orange shirt with bright neon-green shoes to help the kids have fun.
Its Brett Wood, whos greatest joy comes from handling campers special diets, making sure they are taken care of and that nothing gets in the way of these kids hearing the Good knews of Jesus Christ.
Its in knowing that I am getting up at 5 AM tomorrow morning to feed these kids breakfast because they came and got to hear about Jesus Christ, and He is the one I am doing it for.
Thats why I am at hume.
God is here.
Come and meet him, and say hey to me along the way!
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
a robin knows one thing in true,
that he is not an eagle
that, though he tries, and try he might,
he'll never be a beagle.
and as he sits and flaps his wings
to soar above the people,
he see's his shadow follow behind
on all the roofs and steeples
a boy sits down & naval-gazes
staring at his wound.
he knows that, so the surgeon says,
the pain will be gone soon.
and as he falls into the clouds
of wonder, he can see
his body laying brightly and
a shadow underneath
a philosopher gazes at the stars
and on our own own his thoughts reside
images of human depravity
make scars that do not fade
a phrase from some idealist
haunts his rickety frame,
a man, one of The Followers,
who said "Maybe we can change"
as though a bolt of lightning struck,
and caused a flash of night,
a student looks up from the fire
to see the blackened sky
and as the dots of twinkling lights
begin to show, they almost say:
"The shadows prove the sunshine,
and Hope is here today".
-J. Q. 2008
that he is not an eagle
that, though he tries, and try he might,
he'll never be a beagle.
and as he sits and flaps his wings
to soar above the people,
he see's his shadow follow behind
on all the roofs and steeples
a boy sits down & naval-gazes
staring at his wound.
he knows that, so the surgeon says,
the pain will be gone soon.
and as he falls into the clouds
of wonder, he can see
his body laying brightly and
a shadow underneath
a philosopher gazes at the stars
and on our own own his thoughts reside
images of human depravity
make scars that do not fade
a phrase from some idealist
haunts his rickety frame,
a man, one of The Followers,
who said "Maybe we can change"
as though a bolt of lightning struck,
and caused a flash of night,
a student looks up from the fire
to see the blackened sky
and as the dots of twinkling lights
begin to show, they almost say:
"The shadows prove the sunshine,
and Hope is here today".
-J. Q. 2008
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