sigh...

God, sometimes i wonder why you have called me to do this. why you have called me here, to this place and this time. i know that everything is turned around and used for your glory, and that all tings always point back to you in some way, but God... why me? why here? why now?

who am i to carry your word? who am i to speak for you? who am i to even talk about you? i have no rite to talk about you or speak for you, or do anything on your behalf. i am so terrible, so wretched and undesirable... i was thinking about the term unworthy today with David and its almost as if the price you paid is far too high for me... the price you paid is way too much... i am so unvaluable that you must be crazy to desire a relationship with me... im a slug. im a worm... you have made that quite clear. and yet... you wtill love me. i don't get it. i am nothing, yet you actually... care. you actually overpaid for me, but you did it gladly. what kind of god would do something like that for a being that he created? its like you created us from dirt, and then you die for the dirt.

God, help me to be always thankful and always open for your wisdom and love and direction, and give me courage and peace as i go foward or stay back. thank you so much, God, for the people you have put in my life to encourage me... i cannot thank you enough for those very few who it seems are always there for me, letting your love spread out through them consistantly.

Lord, teach me how to love. your way.

i love you, God, and i praise You... for you alone are Sovereign.

and you alone are good.