Thursday, February 19, 2009
The things you learn on YouTube: PArt 7- How to ROCK forEVER!
This is SKYPARK, a vid of them back in the 90's-
check it at 00:25, learn how to rock.
Check them out at: myspace.com/skypark
=D
-Josh
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The Great Debate-
When i was in high School, a friend made a fun song about our mutual beloved friend, toilet paper.
now, the only question is, how do you use it?
do you pull from the front?
do you pull from the back?
do you fold?
or do you crumple?
whatever you do, you are not alone!
Many people use toilet Paper ALL the time, and they have done so for years! From the old "Use the sears catalog" way, to the Quilted Northern Hand-Crafted TP!
The Golden-Roll has been a family tradition for decades!
and, we all have had those fun experiences:
Happy Wednesday!
-Josh
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
*sigh*
I tend to place the images of my life against the backdrop of a play.
every situation i am in has a particular backdrop, a setting, a mood music-
sometimes its high class, but most of the time its plain old life.
at times, though, i tend to think that the scenery is not matching what im doing.
that for some reason, whats behind me looks amazing, but im skrewing it up.
this quote pretty much sums it up:
"The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it."
...
i tend to place the images of my life against the backdrop of a play, and i wonder why i am here. if the reason i'm at the place that im at is really whats best, or what was intended.
Sir Ralph Richardson once noted that “acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing."
i pray EVERY day that my life is more than that. that my life is more than simply keeping people from doing something miniscule to pass the time.
but at times, i wonder.
i really wonder.
every situation i am in has a particular backdrop, a setting, a mood music-
sometimes its high class, but most of the time its plain old life.
at times, though, i tend to think that the scenery is not matching what im doing.
that for some reason, whats behind me looks amazing, but im skrewing it up.
this quote pretty much sums it up:
"The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it."
...
i tend to place the images of my life against the backdrop of a play, and i wonder why i am here. if the reason i'm at the place that im at is really whats best, or what was intended.
Sir Ralph Richardson once noted that “acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing."
i pray EVERY day that my life is more than that. that my life is more than simply keeping people from doing something miniscule to pass the time.
but at times, i wonder.
i really wonder.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Last Picture I Ever Took-
So I love these pictures- i found them YEARS ago, and while going through old pictures on my external hard-drive I found them again.
from the album called:
"THE LAST PICTURE I EVER TOOK".
from the album called:
"THE LAST PICTURE I EVER TOOK".
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Bad luck on Friday the 13th
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I’m afraid to pee.
from Bits & Pieces
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I’m afraid to pee.
from Bits & Pieces
Happy S.A.D. (Singles Awareness Day)!!
What NOT to give her for Valentines Day
1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.
2. Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria’s Secret model.
3. Any clothing item with the words “push-up” or “slim-down” on the label.
4. Any food item with the words “diet”, “light”, or “high fiber” on the label.
5. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey, or Jenna Jameson.
6. Flowers from a hospital’s gift shop–or worse, a mortuary’s.valentinecats.jpg
7. Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out “There was once a girl from Nantucket…”
8. Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.
9. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.
10. A gift certificate.
11. Cash.
12. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn’t.
13. An apologetic look and the words “That was today?”
from bits & Pieces
Happy S.A.D.
Josh
Friday, February 13, 2009
this kid can solve cubes!
ok- so i hink a lot of the amazing things i see are in response to or out of the PhillyD News show on Youtube.
Phil, today, decided to give away a Wii to a viewer with the best talent, and told those who thought they had one to make a video response.
check it out-
check this guy out at: http://www.youtube.com/cubedrummer67
Check out the Phillip DeFranco Show at: youtube.com/sxephil
Phil, today, decided to give away a Wii to a viewer with the best talent, and told those who thought they had one to make a video response.
check it out-
check this guy out at: http://www.youtube.com/cubedrummer67
Check out the Phillip DeFranco Show at: youtube.com/sxephil
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
hmmm... wrong teaching?
its always hard for me to sit and listen to people make gross exagerations about the bible that are completely false.
-------
just wittnessed:
Teacher: How much does Christ love the church?
Student: (yelling) He Died For it!
Teacher: Yes- we see that written all over the bible, "Jesus Died fr the church"... its everywhere.
------
ok... really?
1. this phrase is actually NOT found ANYWHERE in teh bible, just FYI.
2. this is actually at some point of discussion- was the church, the way it is, something God desired when He died?
Hanz Kuhn, a catholic philosopher, said once:
"Christ came to esteblish a kingdom,
and all we gave Him was a church."
interesting to think about... im not sure how i feel about teaching our youth that the Church is something to hold on to.
for some reason i feel like that is just such a small world view.
what do you think?
-------
just wittnessed:
Teacher: How much does Christ love the church?
Student: (yelling) He Died For it!
Teacher: Yes- we see that written all over the bible, "Jesus Died fr the church"... its everywhere.
------
ok... really?
1. this phrase is actually NOT found ANYWHERE in teh bible, just FYI.
2. this is actually at some point of discussion- was the church, the way it is, something God desired when He died?
Hanz Kuhn, a catholic philosopher, said once:
"Christ came to esteblish a kingdom,
and all we gave Him was a church."
interesting to think about... im not sure how i feel about teaching our youth that the Church is something to hold on to.
for some reason i feel like that is just such a small world view.
what do you think?
im depressing by environment?
sitting in Christian leadership, we were discussing the different driving forces in the human mind (greed, helping others, evil, following Christ... etc) and a friend of mine said that just moved from Hemet to OC to go to VU agreed and exposited a bit:
"Yeah- like... when i moved from my last town out here to Orange County, THE WHOLE ENVIRONMENT OUT HERE IS MONEY driven. its so WEIRD... cause environment in my last town (hemet) is just depressing. "
THANK YOU! NOW i know whats wrong with me. im literally a product of my environment.
if only i would have listened to my conscience screaming at me in third grade: GET OUT OF THIS TOWN!!!
...
im ruined.
"Yeah- like... when i moved from my last town out here to Orange County, THE WHOLE ENVIRONMENT OUT HERE IS MONEY driven. its so WEIRD... cause environment in my last town (hemet) is just depressing. "
THANK YOU! NOW i know whats wrong with me. im literally a product of my environment.
if only i would have listened to my conscience screaming at me in third grade: GET OUT OF THIS TOWN!!!
...
im ruined.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Anyone else remember BookIt! (?)
I remember this from like THIRD GRADE-doing this and reading the amount you were supposed to, and coming home with a FREE PERSONAL PAN PIZZA!
(oooh yeah!)
i read some awesome books through the BookIt! Program, like
The BFG by Rauld Dhal,
HOLES by Louis Sachar
the Box Car children!
and who could forget those old favorites:
GOOSEBUMPS!
woohoo.... man.
seeing this logo made it all come flyin back.
Did you participate in BookIt! ?
hmmm
some people say that the message of Jesus is "be good and everybody share"...
i think- if you were to take the Jesus of the gospels and try and fit it into that model...
the sides will blow apart.
living the christian life HAS GOT be be more than simply "being good"...
doesn't it?
"Jesus never called you to be good... he called you to be Dead."
-Mark Moore
i think- if you were to take the Jesus of the gospels and try and fit it into that model...
the sides will blow apart.
living the christian life HAS GOT be be more than simply "being good"...
doesn't it?
"Jesus never called you to be good... he called you to be Dead."
-Mark Moore
Monday, February 09, 2009
reversed a miracle?
i visited a good friend tonight out in Hemet, Joey and Jo-Lyn Azterbaum, and we spent the night telling stories and catching up the way we do.
but Joey told me the story of him and Jo-Lyn going to a mormon church back in their college years.
if you dont know, the Mormon Church uses water during communion with bread, to represent the body and blood of Christ. Im not sure why... i was told once, but i dont remember.
anyway, so... joey is sitting there and he said the only thing that went through his head was:
"Jesus turned water into wine, and the Mormons turned it back..."
i laughed so hard it hurt.
:D
i thought i would re-tell that story to you.
yay!
well... now im sitting in Starbucks, with my grasshopper in hand... seeing the same people come in and out of htese doors that i have seen for the past few years. its amazing how, within this town, there are so many things you can count on- seing the same people at the same places is one of them.
now, i wonder if i can really put off writing essays much longer.
heres to hoping.
Love y'all,
-Josh
but Joey told me the story of him and Jo-Lyn going to a mormon church back in their college years.
if you dont know, the Mormon Church uses water during communion with bread, to represent the body and blood of Christ. Im not sure why... i was told once, but i dont remember.
anyway, so... joey is sitting there and he said the only thing that went through his head was:
"Jesus turned water into wine, and the Mormons turned it back..."
i laughed so hard it hurt.
:D
i thought i would re-tell that story to you.
yay!
well... now im sitting in Starbucks, with my grasshopper in hand... seeing the same people come in and out of htese doors that i have seen for the past few years. its amazing how, within this town, there are so many things you can count on- seing the same people at the same places is one of them.
now, i wonder if i can really put off writing essays much longer.
heres to hoping.
Love y'all,
-Josh
Friday, February 06, 2009
Thursday, February 05, 2009
the answer: pirates vs. ninjas
this vid is awesome... a bit vulgar, but awesome!
the question of the day from Phil DeFranko: who wins? pirates vs. ninjas?
the answer, in musical form:
Lyrics:
Pirates vs. Ninjas:
You've asked us a question that is older than time
Pirates or Ninjas, who's cooler and why
So I took my guitar and I wrote you this song
And I hope that you all sing along
The life of a pirate is exciting to boot
When you're not raping women you plunder and loot
You cuss and you drink and you don't give a hoot
Oh a pirate's life is quite grand
A pirate ships captain is quite a cool dude
Then you'd surrounded by your loyal crew
Unless they all mutinied, then you'd be screwed
Oh a pirates life's not that bad
Being a pirate takes quite a great skill
Living moment to moment, just for the thrill
And if the hookers don't kill you the scurvy sure will
Oh a pirate's life's not that great
The life of a ninja is really quite fun
Your mission, quite simple, kill everyone
And you do not ask questions you just get it done
Oh a ninjas life is quite rad
A ninja is trained in both bo staff and spear
With nunchuck and sword he's got nothing to fear
If he gets into trouble he'll just disappear
Oh a ninjas life's pretty sweet
A ninja has never been born he is bred
He trains hours on end breaking boards with his head
And if he makes one wrong move, then he will be dead
Oh a ninja's life is intense
So you've asked us to tell you the best of the two
And I think I am ready to explain it to you
A pirate is simple, perverted, and crass
But a ninja will quietly murder your ass
check out This guys video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SjvUOWdavA
check out the Phillip DeFranko Show at :http://www.youtube.com/user/sxephil
the question of the day from Phil DeFranko: who wins? pirates vs. ninjas?
the answer, in musical form:
Lyrics:
Pirates vs. Ninjas:
You've asked us a question that is older than time
Pirates or Ninjas, who's cooler and why
So I took my guitar and I wrote you this song
And I hope that you all sing along
The life of a pirate is exciting to boot
When you're not raping women you plunder and loot
You cuss and you drink and you don't give a hoot
Oh a pirate's life is quite grand
A pirate ships captain is quite a cool dude
Then you'd surrounded by your loyal crew
Unless they all mutinied, then you'd be screwed
Oh a pirates life's not that bad
Being a pirate takes quite a great skill
Living moment to moment, just for the thrill
And if the hookers don't kill you the scurvy sure will
Oh a pirate's life's not that great
The life of a ninja is really quite fun
Your mission, quite simple, kill everyone
And you do not ask questions you just get it done
Oh a ninjas life is quite rad
A ninja is trained in both bo staff and spear
With nunchuck and sword he's got nothing to fear
If he gets into trouble he'll just disappear
Oh a ninjas life's pretty sweet
A ninja has never been born he is bred
He trains hours on end breaking boards with his head
And if he makes one wrong move, then he will be dead
Oh a ninja's life is intense
So you've asked us to tell you the best of the two
And I think I am ready to explain it to you
A pirate is simple, perverted, and crass
But a ninja will quietly murder your ass
check out This guys video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SjvUOWdavA
check out the Phillip DeFranko Show at :http://www.youtube.com/user/sxephil
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
25 things.
here it is... 25 things.
1. I have this strange idea that Im gonna end up living with a cat lady when im older.
2. I miss theatre more than i let on.
3. Im a closetted country fan.
4. I have many things in my past that i dont like, but regrets are few- this is my story. i own that.
5. I hate the fact that there is a rift between Christians and Homosexuals. a lot. i HATE it.
6. Sometimes i feel like im missing out on my youth and that im growing up too fast...
7. I have a love/hate relationship with coffee. i love it... then i hate what it does to me.
8. I struggle with acne.
9. i like sleep. a lot. way more than i should.
10. I care about people more than i let on... and i pay for it often.
11. I have been in love with a close friend for a LONG time. and they have no idea.
12. i sleep with a body pillow.
13. I am really insecure about how other people interact with me. i often find myself feeling like a 5th wheel in life- like im not really friends with people, im just an outsider looking in on a life that i could never dream of having.
14. I rely on my humor more than i should.
15. I have a strong respect for the Mormon faith, even though I dont follow it.
16. I have a distinct fear of growing up, and at the same time of being hindered because of my youth.
17. i dont really have a sister... but i do. :D
18. I LOVE EVERWOOD! more than anyone should ever EVER love a t.v. show.
19. I truly believe i have the best job in the world.
20. i am in love with SKA.
21. i watch people.
22. i always try to help people who cant help themselves. sometimes it blows up in my face.
23. sometimes me being nice comes across as me being creepy. i hereby apologize to everyone that might have been in the middle of this.
24. I MISS MY POWAY PEEPS!!
25. this was harder than i thought it would be to complete. what does that mean?!?!
1. I have this strange idea that Im gonna end up living with a cat lady when im older.
2. I miss theatre more than i let on.
3. Im a closetted country fan.
4. I have many things in my past that i dont like, but regrets are few- this is my story. i own that.
5. I hate the fact that there is a rift between Christians and Homosexuals. a lot. i HATE it.
6. Sometimes i feel like im missing out on my youth and that im growing up too fast...
7. I have a love/hate relationship with coffee. i love it... then i hate what it does to me.
8. I struggle with acne.
9. i like sleep. a lot. way more than i should.
10. I care about people more than i let on... and i pay for it often.
11. I have been in love with a close friend for a LONG time. and they have no idea.
12. i sleep with a body pillow.
13. I am really insecure about how other people interact with me. i often find myself feeling like a 5th wheel in life- like im not really friends with people, im just an outsider looking in on a life that i could never dream of having.
14. I rely on my humor more than i should.
15. I have a strong respect for the Mormon faith, even though I dont follow it.
16. I have a distinct fear of growing up, and at the same time of being hindered because of my youth.
17. i dont really have a sister... but i do. :D
18. I LOVE EVERWOOD! more than anyone should ever EVER love a t.v. show.
19. I truly believe i have the best job in the world.
20. i am in love with SKA.
21. i watch people.
22. i always try to help people who cant help themselves. sometimes it blows up in my face.
23. sometimes me being nice comes across as me being creepy. i hereby apologize to everyone that might have been in the middle of this.
24. I MISS MY POWAY PEEPS!!
25. this was harder than i thought it would be to complete. what does that mean?!?!
Monday, February 02, 2009
ok... here we go.
so... here I go... a NEW PACT for me, in an effort to combat...myself.
from NOW until EASTER (69 days) ME and CASSIE are giving up COFFEE AND FAST FOOD... COMPLETELY!
pray for us.
we WILL do this.
:D
-Josh
from NOW until EASTER (69 days) ME and CASSIE are giving up COFFEE AND FAST FOOD... COMPLETELY!
pray for us.
we WILL do this.
:D
-Josh
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
logic at its best
DISCOVERY
Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.
Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.
Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.
Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.
Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.
Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.
from fffound.com
Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.
Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.
Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.
Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.
Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.
Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.
from fffound.com
an ex-presidential joke...
this is amazingly awesome.
bush's joke is good, clintons response is GREAT!
bush's joke is good, clintons response is GREAT!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Students say the darndest things...
Sitting In awanas, discussing forgivness.
TEACHER: Have ever had to forgive someone once? Twice? Eight times? Have you ever had to forgive someone so much you just get tired of it?
STUDENT: [immediately] every Tuesday.
TEACHER: Have ever had to forgive someone once? Twice? Eight times? Have you ever had to forgive someone so much you just get tired of it?
STUDENT: [immediately] every Tuesday.
a moment with Thomas Merton
“If you want to identify me,
ask me not where I live
or what I like to eat
or how I comb my hair,
but ask me what I am living for –
in detail –
and ask me what I think is keeping me
from living wholly for the things I want to live for.”
~ Thomas Merton
“THOUGHTS IN SOLITUDE”
by Thomas Merton
My Lord, God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself; and,
The fact that I think I am following Your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please You
does, in fact, please You.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And, I know that if I do, You will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore, will I trust You always –
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for You are ever with me; and,
You will never leave me to face my perils alone.
"Let there always be quiet, dark churches in which people can
take refuge....Houses of God filled with his silent presence. There,
even when they do not know how to pray, at least they
can be still and breathe easily. -Thomas Merton, (New Seeds of Contemplation)
ask me not where I live
or what I like to eat
or how I comb my hair,
but ask me what I am living for –
in detail –
and ask me what I think is keeping me
from living wholly for the things I want to live for.”
~ Thomas Merton
“THOUGHTS IN SOLITUDE”
by Thomas Merton
My Lord, God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself; and,
The fact that I think I am following Your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please You
does, in fact, please You.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And, I know that if I do, You will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore, will I trust You always –
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for You are ever with me; and,
You will never leave me to face my perils alone.
"Let there always be quiet, dark churches in which people can
take refuge....Houses of God filled with his silent presence. There,
even when they do not know how to pray, at least they
can be still and breathe easily. -Thomas Merton, (New Seeds of Contemplation)
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
getting a handle on this Jesus guy
sititng in Life of jesus- thinking that the person of Jesus is far more intricate and hard to get a handle on than i once thought.
working with the name of Jesus is very different, i have seen, than working with the MAN of jesus.
i have heard a quote from thomas Howard that i think sums up what i feeling:
In the figure of Jesus the Christ there is something that escapes us. He has been the subject of the greatest
efforts at systemization in the history of man, but anyone who has ever tried this has had, in the end, to admit
that the seams keep bursting. He sooner or later discovers that he is in touch, not with a pale Galilean,
but with a towering and furious figure who will not be managed.
-- Thomas Howard
the amazement of this guy just astounds me.
and the knowledge that i will never fully be able to contain Him only wets my appatite for Him and raises my ability ot trust in Him.
"is he safe?"
"Safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
working with the name of Jesus is very different, i have seen, than working with the MAN of jesus.
i have heard a quote from thomas Howard that i think sums up what i feeling:
In the figure of Jesus the Christ there is something that escapes us. He has been the subject of the greatest
efforts at systemization in the history of man, but anyone who has ever tried this has had, in the end, to admit
that the seams keep bursting. He sooner or later discovers that he is in touch, not with a pale Galilean,
but with a towering and furious figure who will not be managed.
-- Thomas Howard
the amazement of this guy just astounds me.
and the knowledge that i will never fully be able to contain Him only wets my appatite for Him and raises my ability ot trust in Him.
"is he safe?"
"Safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
Monday, January 26, 2009
had to repost- BEST CUSTOMER SERVICE EXCHANGE EVER!
Below is a quoted exchange from notalwaysright.com/
Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes
----------------------------------
A woman who had gone through my line earlier that day came up to me.)
Customer: “Give me back my g****** keys!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “My car keys! Give them back!”
Me: “I wasn’t aware that I had them. Ma’am, are your keys lost? I can get someone to help you find them if you want.”
Customer: “No! I know it was you who took them! I put them up on this little tray– *points to the tray next to the debit machine* “–and when I got home I couldn’t find them anywhere!”
Me: “When…when you got home? Ma’am, did you drive home?”
Customer: “Well, duh! What kind of idiot are you? Do you think I’m poor?” *gives a disgusted look*
Me: “No…how did you get back here, ma’am?”
Customer: “I drove here, of course!”
Me: “With your car keys?”
Customer: “Yes! Now give them back!”
Me: “Ma’am…if I had taken your car keys, would you have been able to drive home and back here?”
Customer: “No! But I know you took them!”
(I then notice the keys shining in her hand.)
Me:: “Open your hand please, ma’am?”
Customer: *upon seeing her keys in her hand* “Oh, you little witch! What did you do, ‘magic’ them back into my hand?! What kind of store lets witches work for them?!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m not a witch…but you are a complete stereotypical blonde.”
Customer: “Oh, how dare you! I demand to speak to your manager.”
(My manager, who is a Wiccan and has been listening to this exchange for the past few minutes, comes up behind me, playing with her five-pointed star necklace.)
Manager: *in a mystical voice* “Well, hello there, earth-walker. What can I do for you?”
Customer: *sputters curse words and quickly storms out*
-------------------------
HAPPY MONDAY everyone!
-Josh
Not Always Right | Funny & Stupid Customer Quotes
----------------------------------
A woman who had gone through my line earlier that day came up to me.)
Customer: “Give me back my g****** keys!”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “My car keys! Give them back!”
Me: “I wasn’t aware that I had them. Ma’am, are your keys lost? I can get someone to help you find them if you want.”
Customer: “No! I know it was you who took them! I put them up on this little tray– *points to the tray next to the debit machine* “–and when I got home I couldn’t find them anywhere!”
Me: “When…when you got home? Ma’am, did you drive home?”
Customer: “Well, duh! What kind of idiot are you? Do you think I’m poor?” *gives a disgusted look*
Me: “No…how did you get back here, ma’am?”
Customer: “I drove here, of course!”
Me: “With your car keys?”
Customer: “Yes! Now give them back!”
Me: “Ma’am…if I had taken your car keys, would you have been able to drive home and back here?”
Customer: “No! But I know you took them!”
(I then notice the keys shining in her hand.)
Me:: “Open your hand please, ma’am?”
Customer: *upon seeing her keys in her hand* “Oh, you little witch! What did you do, ‘magic’ them back into my hand?! What kind of store lets witches work for them?!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m not a witch…but you are a complete stereotypical blonde.”
Customer: “Oh, how dare you! I demand to speak to your manager.”
(My manager, who is a Wiccan and has been listening to this exchange for the past few minutes, comes up behind me, playing with her five-pointed star necklace.)
Manager: *in a mystical voice* “Well, hello there, earth-walker. What can I do for you?”
Customer: *sputters curse words and quickly storms out*
-------------------------
HAPPY MONDAY everyone!
-Josh
Saturday, January 24, 2009
SO FUNNY!!!
http://www.freakybestmanspeech.com/
check it out- but you MUST MUST MUST watch till the end!
so great!
-Q
check it out- but you MUST MUST MUST watch till the end!
so great!
-Q
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Winter Retreat: day 1-
Winter Retreat
Day 1
Theme: This is me.
The night went really really well... i think the kids got the main idea behind the night, and they are really understanding what this retreat is about. Im SO PROUD of all of my leaders that im working with! they are so great at what they are doing, and I am so blessed to be working with such a GREAT CHURCH.
Jesus is totally all over this retreat, and seeing the students light up when they start to meet him is amazing.
now... im tired, and have put out more fires than i wanted to, and am enjoying the quietness of the moment. the scavenger hunt went across AWESOME, the first session went really really well (Devin was awesome, the kids i think Got the main idea of the message), the guys did a good job cooking the girls food. (nobody died... yet) and they are all asleep.
not a bad day in the YM neighborhood, if i do say so myself.
and now... ahh... whats that i hear? silence? aaaahhhhhh.... so soothing.
well, im getting tired, and the kids are asleep... and i have to be up in 4 hours.
some call this insanity (ive already been accused of being on SOME kind of drug... "you gotta be on something to voluntarily WANT to do this!") but in all honesty, i look at it as an amazing opportunity to do what i love to do:
love on teenagers.
i still woke up today and thought to myself: "you are getting paid for this??"
i have said it before, and ill say it again:
I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!
love all, worship one.
-Josh
Day 1
Theme: This is me.
The night went really really well... i think the kids got the main idea behind the night, and they are really understanding what this retreat is about. Im SO PROUD of all of my leaders that im working with! they are so great at what they are doing, and I am so blessed to be working with such a GREAT CHURCH.
Jesus is totally all over this retreat, and seeing the students light up when they start to meet him is amazing.
now... im tired, and have put out more fires than i wanted to, and am enjoying the quietness of the moment. the scavenger hunt went across AWESOME, the first session went really really well (Devin was awesome, the kids i think Got the main idea of the message), the guys did a good job cooking the girls food. (nobody died... yet) and they are all asleep.
not a bad day in the YM neighborhood, if i do say so myself.
and now... ahh... whats that i hear? silence? aaaahhhhhh.... so soothing.
well, im getting tired, and the kids are asleep... and i have to be up in 4 hours.
some call this insanity (ive already been accused of being on SOME kind of drug... "you gotta be on something to voluntarily WANT to do this!") but in all honesty, i look at it as an amazing opportunity to do what i love to do:
love on teenagers.
i still woke up today and thought to myself: "you are getting paid for this??"
i have said it before, and ill say it again:
I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD!
love all, worship one.
-Josh
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
haha
i was about to go to bed, and i saw this:
LMAO!!!
anywho- goodnight all
or, should i say,
goodmorning.
-Josh
LMAO!!!
anywho- goodnight all
or, should i say,
goodmorning.
-Josh
Monday, January 12, 2009
looking at the back (or is it the front)
its funny how, as life unfolds, you end up looking at something, and wondering what hte heck it really is... if anything.
ok, so that might have been fairly ambiguous and illogical, but imagine you walk up to a store that you have been going to for a long time... you come up to the door, and for the first time you notice a small blue sign just to the left of the enterence:
the sense that you feel at that moment is what i am feeling.
what if everything in life that i have been looking at has been done the "wrong way"?
...
what if thats why i see things differently?
when everyone else is looking at the front, im looking at the back and thinking of it as something wholly different than what it was designed to be...
a ball becomes a chair
a CD becomes a wall-ornament
a box of kleenex becomes a portal into another world.
the possibilities are endless, and what is more- unbelievably interesting and quite often profound.
"If they give you lined paper, write the other way"
-Juan Luis Jimenez
ok, so that might have been fairly ambiguous and illogical, but imagine you walk up to a store that you have been going to for a long time... you come up to the door, and for the first time you notice a small blue sign just to the left of the enterence:
the sense that you feel at that moment is what i am feeling.
what if everything in life that i have been looking at has been done the "wrong way"?
...
what if thats why i see things differently?
when everyone else is looking at the front, im looking at the back and thinking of it as something wholly different than what it was designed to be...
a ball becomes a chair
a CD becomes a wall-ornament
a box of kleenex becomes a portal into another world.
the possibilities are endless, and what is more- unbelievably interesting and quite often profound.
"If they give you lined paper, write the other way"
-Juan Luis Jimenez
Saturday, January 10, 2009
life... gone crazy....
its funny how a small bit of information can completely and utterly ruin or change an entire day.
isnt it?
Scenerio:
its a great, bright, not too hot, not too cold, breezy, but not too breezy, day.
you are driving, but not too far, and there are other people around, but not too many people.
life is good, but not TOO good, and you are smiling.
and then something like THIS happens to you:
and your day is GONE!
...
i found out that i will not be having a room to myslf today, and on top of that, i know the person and im pretty sure me and him wont jive.
weird, huh?
i was told that this year was going to be an INCREDIBLE year, and that God was going ot do some crazy, UNEXPECTED things in my life.
but, the person who told me this said, i would have to choose to live into God's plan.
hmmm.....
i've never been one to stand up to things. I tend to be different in a lot of things i do, sure, but most of the time it is in a general anti-conformist attitude. but, standing straight up to someone or soemthing has never been my forte.
when and if i have done it in the past, it generally ends up with me having some HUGELY over-romanticized version of what will happen play in my head, and then i try to emmulate said vision and i stumble over my words or say them so incredibly fast (to add a sense of vigor behind what i am saying) and in the process of trying to be overly-profound i end up becoming wholly incomprehensible, thus making the life-altering moment i was trying to create completely moot.
so, heres to trying to get out of my own way to live the Life that God has for me.
God help us all.
love you guys,
-Josh
isnt it?
Scenerio:
its a great, bright, not too hot, not too cold, breezy, but not too breezy, day.
you are driving, but not too far, and there are other people around, but not too many people.
life is good, but not TOO good, and you are smiling.
and then something like THIS happens to you:
and your day is GONE!
...
i found out that i will not be having a room to myslf today, and on top of that, i know the person and im pretty sure me and him wont jive.
weird, huh?
i was told that this year was going to be an INCREDIBLE year, and that God was going ot do some crazy, UNEXPECTED things in my life.
but, the person who told me this said, i would have to choose to live into God's plan.
hmmm.....
i've never been one to stand up to things. I tend to be different in a lot of things i do, sure, but most of the time it is in a general anti-conformist attitude. but, standing straight up to someone or soemthing has never been my forte.
when and if i have done it in the past, it generally ends up with me having some HUGELY over-romanticized version of what will happen play in my head, and then i try to emmulate said vision and i stumble over my words or say them so incredibly fast (to add a sense of vigor behind what i am saying) and in the process of trying to be overly-profound i end up becoming wholly incomprehensible, thus making the life-altering moment i was trying to create completely moot.
so, heres to trying to get out of my own way to live the Life that God has for me.
God help us all.
love you guys,
-Josh
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
hummm...
its wierd, but sometimes it seems like how you look at life can be as east as picking a chair to sit in. sometimes you want a happy outlook, and sometimes it feels like you are perpetually doomed to spend eternity in a small kindergarten school-desk with a body the size of andre the giant.
the way we look at life has an incredibly monumentous impact on our life, at least thats what specialists tell us, but i have to admit that at times my life feels a bit like this:
looking at life, it seems like this whole thing is unpredictable, and you simply must learn to take life as you go, enjoy the moments in life that make you smile, and learn to appreciate the bad times. lean into conflict, and learn to work through times that make you want to curl up in a ball and hide.
this is life. this is your life.
you didnt pick it, it picked you.
so get up, dust off your jeans,
look at today as if it is the first day,
and live as if it is your last.
-Josh
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
new years resolutions?
the new year is here... and, heck, its almost two days old ALREADY!
they grow so fast, dont they?
:)
well... this year has been an interesting year, for many reasons:
1. i finished my first year of College (woohoo!)
2. I changed my major at school (i gave up music for Jesus)
3. i worked at Hume Lake for a summer, and learned a lot about God, about Jesus ad about myself.
4. I got the BEST JOB IN THE WORLD! (workin for Jesus, lovin on HS Students... does it get better?)
5. I wrote my first (of many) exegesis paper (and got an A!)
6. I started a book (which i intend to finish... see below)
7. I have been real with a lot of my friends (major "i feel better" moment)
8. I made new friends
9. I got closer with Mah Baby Sistah! (woot woot)
10. I helped a friend of mine meet the Real Jesus... (in his words: "Ive never had someone sit down and show me that there is a
difference between God and religion")
11. I have been diagnosed and am being treated for a chronic condition, and i am *FINALLY* off of consistent pain
management meds.
12. I ONCE AGAIN continued my fetish for Grey's Anatomy (im in love) but also shared the wealth with House, MD.
13. I lost a best friend, and then a few months later found him again.
14. i Read Brennan Mannings "The Ragamuffin Gospel" (changed my life) and have learned that the only way to FOllow Jesus is
to come to him as you are, not pretending, and to acknowledge that he loves you.
15. have seen God work through saints and sinners, good times, bad times, pain, hardship, loss and friends... and i have personally witnessed His faithfulness to his promise : to "Work for the good of those who love Him".
God has been incredible to me this year. i have seen his love and patience and forgiveness and grace for those whom i had deemed unworthy, much less anyone else, and have seen the wonder of the truth of who He is completely nock the socks off of people who had no idea. i can say with some great confidence that My god is AWESOME.
this year has also brought together some crazy and weird things for me. Within the hardships of life, depression hit pretty had at times. its been a weird thing, hanging on to hope when life itself seems completely void of it. i look back on my blogs over the past year and i see hardships riddled throughout. i think that that is why my mantra these past few months has been "hope is possible"... because i have to believe that it is.
hope is possible.
believe it. live it.
its weird, when you look at life always knowing that there is hope out there, life becomes better. maybe not easier, but better. because your whole idea of life and the world changes, and the things you thought were so important suddenly dont matter anymore, and you find the greatest meaning in the small things in life.
that being said, here a few Resolutions for me...
-Finish my book. (this is a big deal for me... hopefully by the end of may, i will be done. crossing fingers*)
-save $10,000
-pay off my car
-lose poundage
-get my own apartment.
-help one person each day, in some way
-get straight A's
- find a relationship
- be a better pastor
- live.
these are just a few.
new years resolutions are so fickle, its astounding. but i hold true to that old whimsical saying: (insert whimsical saying here)
happy new year everyone!
"drench yourself with words unspoken,
live your life with arms wide open.
today is where your book begins,
the rest is still unwritten"
-Natasha Beddingfield
"If they give you lined paper, write the other way".
-Juan Luis Jimenez
-Josh
they grow so fast, dont they?
:)
well... this year has been an interesting year, for many reasons:
1. i finished my first year of College (woohoo!)
2. I changed my major at school (i gave up music for Jesus)
3. i worked at Hume Lake for a summer, and learned a lot about God, about Jesus ad about myself.
4. I got the BEST JOB IN THE WORLD! (workin for Jesus, lovin on HS Students... does it get better?)
5. I wrote my first (of many) exegesis paper (and got an A!)
6. I started a book (which i intend to finish... see below)
7. I have been real with a lot of my friends (major "i feel better" moment)
8. I made new friends
9. I got closer with Mah Baby Sistah! (woot woot)
10. I helped a friend of mine meet the Real Jesus... (in his words: "Ive never had someone sit down and show me that there is a
difference between God and religion")
11. I have been diagnosed and am being treated for a chronic condition, and i am *FINALLY* off of consistent pain
management meds.
12. I ONCE AGAIN continued my fetish for Grey's Anatomy (im in love) but also shared the wealth with House, MD.
13. I lost a best friend, and then a few months later found him again.
14. i Read Brennan Mannings "The Ragamuffin Gospel" (changed my life) and have learned that the only way to FOllow Jesus is
to come to him as you are, not pretending, and to acknowledge that he loves you.
15. have seen God work through saints and sinners, good times, bad times, pain, hardship, loss and friends... and i have personally witnessed His faithfulness to his promise : to "Work for the good of those who love Him".
God has been incredible to me this year. i have seen his love and patience and forgiveness and grace for those whom i had deemed unworthy, much less anyone else, and have seen the wonder of the truth of who He is completely nock the socks off of people who had no idea. i can say with some great confidence that My god is AWESOME.
this year has also brought together some crazy and weird things for me. Within the hardships of life, depression hit pretty had at times. its been a weird thing, hanging on to hope when life itself seems completely void of it. i look back on my blogs over the past year and i see hardships riddled throughout. i think that that is why my mantra these past few months has been "hope is possible"... because i have to believe that it is.
hope is possible.
believe it. live it.
its weird, when you look at life always knowing that there is hope out there, life becomes better. maybe not easier, but better. because your whole idea of life and the world changes, and the things you thought were so important suddenly dont matter anymore, and you find the greatest meaning in the small things in life.
that being said, here a few Resolutions for me...
-Finish my book. (this is a big deal for me... hopefully by the end of may, i will be done. crossing fingers*)
-save $10,000
-pay off my car
-lose poundage
-get my own apartment.
-help one person each day, in some way
-get straight A's
- find a relationship
- be a better pastor
- live.
these are just a few.
new years resolutions are so fickle, its astounding. but i hold true to that old whimsical saying: (insert whimsical saying here)
happy new year everyone!
"drench yourself with words unspoken,
live your life with arms wide open.
today is where your book begins,
the rest is still unwritten"
-Natasha Beddingfield
"If they give you lined paper, write the other way".
-Juan Luis Jimenez
-Josh
Thursday, January 01, 2009
the writings on the stall...
The following is from a post on "the writings on the stall" :)
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Downtown Library
Gainesville, Florida USA 32601
Men's restroom, 1st floor
"JESUS CLONES YOU"
Apparently someone took issue with the proselytizing.
........................................
so good.
:)
hope you are having a great new year!
-Josh
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Downtown Library
Gainesville, Florida USA 32601
Men's restroom, 1st floor
"JESUS CLONES YOU"
Apparently someone took issue with the proselytizing.
........................................
so good.
:)
hope you are having a great new year!
-Josh
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The Things you learn on youTube: PART 3- How to track someone for under $20!
this actually horrified me.
not gonna lie.
yay for invasion of privacy!
-Josh
not gonna lie.
yay for invasion of privacy!
-Josh
Sunday, December 28, 2008
'cause a small town is a small stage for teenagers and their drama....
my life the past few days could definately make the context for a pretty dang good daytime soap opera.
its wierd, but i kinda feel like my life is heading in a certain direction and i have no way to make it change course, and no way of knowing where i am going, and this innate fear welling up inside of me consisting of primarily a fear of losing control.
i found a quote from a movie that i thought was appropriate. a woman comes out of a hospital crying, and is greeted by Elder Aaron Davis, a mormon missionary, ad they start a conversation. mid-way through, Aaron finds himself at a loss, and begins the following:
Elder Aaron Davis: Do you ever read the Sunday comics?
Lila: [confused] I beg your pardon?
[changes her mind]
Lila: Yes, of course the Sunday comics.
Elder Aaron Davis: Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this - make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and funny and good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now.
this is an AMAZING quote... i cant even tell you.
so right now, im simply hoping that life realy is more than a bid mass of dots, cause for a few minutes, it starts to feel that way.
Grace and peace! and Happy New Year!
-Josh
its wierd, but i kinda feel like my life is heading in a certain direction and i have no way to make it change course, and no way of knowing where i am going, and this innate fear welling up inside of me consisting of primarily a fear of losing control.
i found a quote from a movie that i thought was appropriate. a woman comes out of a hospital crying, and is greeted by Elder Aaron Davis, a mormon missionary, ad they start a conversation. mid-way through, Aaron finds himself at a loss, and begins the following:
Elder Aaron Davis: Do you ever read the Sunday comics?
Lila: [confused] I beg your pardon?
[changes her mind]
Lila: Yes, of course the Sunday comics.
Elder Aaron Davis: Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this - make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and funny and good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now.
this is an AMAZING quote... i cant even tell you.
so right now, im simply hoping that life realy is more than a bid mass of dots, cause for a few minutes, it starts to feel that way.
Grace and peace! and Happy New Year!
-Josh
Friday, December 26, 2008
a repost of an important request:
ok, so i dont usually do this (i.e. repost other peoples blogs) but i thought that this was incredibly important and moving.
within the context of my day-today life, i come across a lot of people who struggle with the issue of homosexuality and sexual identity. many of these people also struggle with depression that realates to it. i came accross a blog about this that hit pretty hard, and i thought i would share it.
The following is NOT my work, and remains the property of the author.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Christmas suicide.
December 25, 2008 |
While you are exchanging gifts today and celebrating the festivities, remember this: Today, like every day, 4 gay or lesbian youth will commit suicide.
Statistical estimations by the U.S. Health and Human Services show that 1,488 gay or lesbian youth will kill themselves in the new year. Moreover, 30% of gay or lesbian youth have contemplated suicide.
If there is one thing that pushes my heart to the breaking point, it is knowing that someone feels so alone or so scared or in so much pain that they take their own life. In a world so full of love and light, it hurts knowing that their are people in such darkness.
Today, I’d like to share a suicide note with you. It is a real note. It was written by a 16-year old high school student named Steven. He overdosed on medication. I’ve shortned the note for purposes of reproduction, but the grammer and spelling have been left intact. Here is Steven’s suicide note:
I am sorry to the people that I love but I cant fucking take it anymore. So I am gay. Why dooes everyone hate me becaus of that. Fuck them. I have been punched and spit on andcalled faggot, queer, loser, pussy, fag boy. Some asshole painted faggot on my locker. Some people do not talk to me. Fuck them, fuck everyone, I hate this fucking life know. I am so fucking tired of the shit. I hve receved hate letters telling me to leave school telling me that faggots aren’t welcome and that I am a fag.
I have wanted to be dead for so long. I don’t really know how I made it as far as thisbecase i jujst think about being dead. I am never happy. Why did so many people lie to me. I wish I never told anyone I am gay.why the fuck did I do that.
I love you mom and dad.because even though you did not undertand maybe you loved me and said I was fine and you would help me.but at school it was like being in hell. Iwas burning in hell eery day. I dould not tell you edeverythin thatwas happening. I did not want you to worryaboyut me. I coulnd not do that do you. I hope that youwill forgive me.plese forgive me. And rememberme when I was happy. And I am not a faggot I am a person that is all. Why was I a gay though, why me, why whey why why I always ask. I will never know. God must have wanted me to be with him now because he is tlling me to kill myself. I think that anywayse. And I know I need to commit suicide soon. But you need to know why. Don’t be sad. You wont have a faggot son anymore.
I need towrite a poem
i will name iti am not a fag
I am not a fag
You are the fags
Remember that
I am a person
You say faggot faggot queer queer but you don’t know anyting
I know that you are stupid assholes and that is more than you know
What is heavenreally like mom and dad. I hope it is all that not here. And don’t be sad because you will be with meagaoin. I know I know.
I am getting happier now. I am becauseit is all ending now. I want you to know that I feel good now. I think I feel really good now , yes I do. I am not crying anymore and I am rfeeling happy. I think I will be happy in heaven no longer a faggot just a person. The real faggots are tthem
I have to say goodbye now so don’t be sad. Please never be sad. I am happy. I am really happy now. Everying will be fine I am happeire that I have ever been because it is all over.
Goodbye I love you mom and dad but I hate almost everyone else. Don’t be sad.
I am happy now.
Steven survived. He was hospitalized and treated. He moved with his family to another state. Steven was lucky. But today, 4 people won’t be.
Perhaps, this Christmas, you’ll make a donation to The Trevor Project (by clicking the orange donate button on the top of the right-hand sidebar) so that they can continue to operate the nation’s only 24-hour suicide prevention helpline for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth. And please, if you are considering suicide, call 1-866-4-U-TREVOR.
All of us can do something to light the darkness.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and yours.
Copyright © 2008 break the illusion www.breaktheillusion.com
---------------------------
I believe that hope is to be inspired in people, no matter what.
we, as the Church specifically, and as the majority of Americans, hav done a pretty bad job of offering hope to people who need it. today, think about people you know that need help - whether its a hug or an hour of your time, try to be hope for someone.
please.
their life may depend on it.
Love all. worship one.
-Josh
within the context of my day-today life, i come across a lot of people who struggle with the issue of homosexuality and sexual identity. many of these people also struggle with depression that realates to it. i came accross a blog about this that hit pretty hard, and i thought i would share it.
The following is NOT my work, and remains the property of the author.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Christmas suicide.
December 25, 2008 |
While you are exchanging gifts today and celebrating the festivities, remember this: Today, like every day, 4 gay or lesbian youth will commit suicide.
Statistical estimations by the U.S. Health and Human Services show that 1,488 gay or lesbian youth will kill themselves in the new year. Moreover, 30% of gay or lesbian youth have contemplated suicide.
If there is one thing that pushes my heart to the breaking point, it is knowing that someone feels so alone or so scared or in so much pain that they take their own life. In a world so full of love and light, it hurts knowing that their are people in such darkness.
Today, I’d like to share a suicide note with you. It is a real note. It was written by a 16-year old high school student named Steven. He overdosed on medication. I’ve shortned the note for purposes of reproduction, but the grammer and spelling have been left intact. Here is Steven’s suicide note:
I am sorry to the people that I love but I cant fucking take it anymore. So I am gay. Why dooes everyone hate me becaus of that. Fuck them. I have been punched and spit on andcalled faggot, queer, loser, pussy, fag boy. Some asshole painted faggot on my locker. Some people do not talk to me. Fuck them, fuck everyone, I hate this fucking life know. I am so fucking tired of the shit. I hve receved hate letters telling me to leave school telling me that faggots aren’t welcome and that I am a fag.
I have wanted to be dead for so long. I don’t really know how I made it as far as thisbecase i jujst think about being dead. I am never happy. Why did so many people lie to me. I wish I never told anyone I am gay.why the fuck did I do that.
I love you mom and dad.because even though you did not undertand maybe you loved me and said I was fine and you would help me.but at school it was like being in hell. Iwas burning in hell eery day. I dould not tell you edeverythin thatwas happening. I did not want you to worryaboyut me. I coulnd not do that do you. I hope that youwill forgive me.plese forgive me. And rememberme when I was happy. And I am not a faggot I am a person that is all. Why was I a gay though, why me, why whey why why I always ask. I will never know. God must have wanted me to be with him now because he is tlling me to kill myself. I think that anywayse. And I know I need to commit suicide soon. But you need to know why. Don’t be sad. You wont have a faggot son anymore.
I need towrite a poem
i will name iti am not a fag
I am not a fag
You are the fags
Remember that
I am a person
You say faggot faggot queer queer but you don’t know anyting
I know that you are stupid assholes and that is more than you know
What is heavenreally like mom and dad. I hope it is all that not here. And don’t be sad because you will be with meagaoin. I know I know.
I am getting happier now. I am becauseit is all ending now. I want you to know that I feel good now. I think I feel really good now , yes I do. I am not crying anymore and I am rfeeling happy. I think I will be happy in heaven no longer a faggot just a person. The real faggots are tthem
I have to say goodbye now so don’t be sad. Please never be sad. I am happy. I am really happy now. Everying will be fine I am happeire that I have ever been because it is all over.
Goodbye I love you mom and dad but I hate almost everyone else. Don’t be sad.
I am happy now.
Steven survived. He was hospitalized and treated. He moved with his family to another state. Steven was lucky. But today, 4 people won’t be.
Perhaps, this Christmas, you’ll make a donation to The Trevor Project (by clicking the orange donate button on the top of the right-hand sidebar) so that they can continue to operate the nation’s only 24-hour suicide prevention helpline for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth. And please, if you are considering suicide, call 1-866-4-U-TREVOR.
All of us can do something to light the darkness.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and yours.
Copyright © 2008 break the illusion www.breaktheillusion.com
---------------------------
I believe that hope is to be inspired in people, no matter what.
we, as the Church specifically, and as the majority of Americans, hav done a pretty bad job of offering hope to people who need it. today, think about people you know that need help - whether its a hug or an hour of your time, try to be hope for someone.
please.
their life may depend on it.
Love all. worship one.
-Josh
someone stole my idea!
haha... how great is that?
if only i would have copyrighted it.
dang.
from FFFFOUND!
Thursday, December 25, 2008
The things You Learn On YouTube: PART 2- How to run the Naked Mile
what does it take to be a first-rate naked-miler?
i found out.
i found out.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
thing ive learned #2- how to deter a telemarketer
i saw this and thought it was worth posting.
how to deter a telemarketer.
http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/
merry christmas
-Josh
how to deter a telemarketer.
http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/
merry christmas
-Josh
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
"Gems" found in photo's by Gary Barnes
A friend of mine is an EXCELLENT amateur Photographer, among MANY other talents. here is a few GREAT pictures from his Black and White album.
Taken during a Candlelight Equality Vigil in Oceanside, California on the pier. Hosted by the North County LGBT Coalition. Shot on a Pentax K10D with a f1.4 50mm prime lens, edited in Adobe Lightroom 2 and Nik Silver Efex Pro.
Photo of the Harris Fire in San Diego county as it burned south of Mt. Helix. Taken with an Olympus XA rangefinder camera. Film processed in Diafine.
AIDS Walk 2007
For a look at more of what Gary does, check out HERE
peace be to you for christmas!
A Savior is born to us, a people in desperate need of saving.
-Josh
Taken during a Candlelight Equality Vigil in Oceanside, California on the pier. Hosted by the North County LGBT Coalition. Shot on a Pentax K10D with a f1.4 50mm prime lens, edited in Adobe Lightroom 2 and Nik Silver Efex Pro.
Photo of the Harris Fire in San Diego county as it burned south of Mt. Helix. Taken with an Olympus XA rangefinder camera. Film processed in Diafine.
AIDS Walk 2007
For a look at more of what Gary does, check out HERE
peace be to you for christmas!
A Savior is born to us, a people in desperate need of saving.
-Josh
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Things You Learn On YouTube: PART 1- How To Beat Your Wife
wife/animal beating- the things you learn.
:)
wow.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
dramatic reading...
ok, ok... just saw this and thought i was going to crap my pants i laughed so hard. a dramatic reading of an actual breakup letter.
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
SOO GOOOD!!!
thanks to darin mcWatters for findin that one!
http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/
SOO GOOOD!!!
thanks to darin mcWatters for findin that one!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
act well your part
philosophical statment of the day:
"Act well your part. there all honor lies." -Alexander Pope
i was hit with an interesting predicament today... and i began to think. sometimes i feel like a puppet. no, wrong word. sometimes i feel like im an actor in a play, playing a part for some big-screen producer, eternally confined within the limits of my charachter.
forever unable to be me.
and i began to think... act well your part, there all honor lies? really?
part of me thinks that this idea was made to keep the lower-class people feeling in their place, that all honor lied in them knowing and keeping their station. thus creating apathy in the lower positions, and keeping the aristocracy above everything.
what is out part? is it honorable? is it something interesting? do i get to rule over anyone else?
i believe that the part of every human being lies in this phrase:
love all, worship One.
love all: we are people who crave relationships. all people crave things in their life, and to be loved and to love is both a craving to recieve and a craving to give. we were designed by God to love and care for all of those around us. not to judge eachother, not to crush eachother, but to love one another. and part of love is by hsaring with them the joy and hope we have, as christians, in Jesus... my best friend and the one who saves me from myself. loving all, indescriminantly, is a scary and dangerous love that requires EVERYTHING of us. don't belive me? hold hands with someone who has A.I.D.S., publically hang around with a homosexual and stand up for them as a person, bring a cross-dresser to your church. your world will explode, but it will explode in the most infinite and crazy love of all: the love of Yahwey, God.
Worship one: at hume lake, on the side of the lake, there is a sign that says simply "God Is...". i think that people get confused at first when they see this, but the truth of it is unbelievable! no matter what goes on in your life, God is...
...love.
...savior.
...warior.
...crazy in love with you.
...still on his throne.
you could put an infinite amount of things in this list. no matter what, God Is...
we worship God for who he is. be cause He is truly the center of the story, not you. because he is worthy of praise. because he is god. we worship the one god, and Him alone. meaning not money, or social status, or talent, or possesions.
there is an ancient line that is the heartbeat of ancient isreal:
"hear, oh isreal: the lord, your God, the Lord is one".
meaning there is one god, and he ALONE is worthy of all praise. because he is God, and he is One.
this is our part. this is what we are to act well. love all, wirship one.
so, act well your part. there all honor lies.
honor, and truth, and love, and fulfilment.
everything you desire in your heart, in the deep recesses of your soul that only you know about, keeping hidden from the world around you.
Love all, Worship One
-Josh
"Act well your part. there all honor lies." -Alexander Pope
i was hit with an interesting predicament today... and i began to think. sometimes i feel like a puppet. no, wrong word. sometimes i feel like im an actor in a play, playing a part for some big-screen producer, eternally confined within the limits of my charachter.
forever unable to be me.
and i began to think... act well your part, there all honor lies? really?
part of me thinks that this idea was made to keep the lower-class people feeling in their place, that all honor lied in them knowing and keeping their station. thus creating apathy in the lower positions, and keeping the aristocracy above everything.
what is out part? is it honorable? is it something interesting? do i get to rule over anyone else?
i believe that the part of every human being lies in this phrase:
love all, worship One.
love all: we are people who crave relationships. all people crave things in their life, and to be loved and to love is both a craving to recieve and a craving to give. we were designed by God to love and care for all of those around us. not to judge eachother, not to crush eachother, but to love one another. and part of love is by hsaring with them the joy and hope we have, as christians, in Jesus... my best friend and the one who saves me from myself. loving all, indescriminantly, is a scary and dangerous love that requires EVERYTHING of us. don't belive me? hold hands with someone who has A.I.D.S., publically hang around with a homosexual and stand up for them as a person, bring a cross-dresser to your church. your world will explode, but it will explode in the most infinite and crazy love of all: the love of Yahwey, God.
Worship one: at hume lake, on the side of the lake, there is a sign that says simply "God Is...". i think that people get confused at first when they see this, but the truth of it is unbelievable! no matter what goes on in your life, God is...
...love.
...savior.
...warior.
...crazy in love with you.
...still on his throne.
you could put an infinite amount of things in this list. no matter what, God Is...
we worship God for who he is. be cause He is truly the center of the story, not you. because he is worthy of praise. because he is god. we worship the one god, and Him alone. meaning not money, or social status, or talent, or possesions.
there is an ancient line that is the heartbeat of ancient isreal:
"hear, oh isreal: the lord, your God, the Lord is one".
meaning there is one god, and he ALONE is worthy of all praise. because he is God, and he is One.
this is our part. this is what we are to act well. love all, wirship one.
so, act well your part. there all honor lies.
honor, and truth, and love, and fulfilment.
everything you desire in your heart, in the deep recesses of your soul that only you know about, keeping hidden from the world around you.
Love all, Worship One
-Josh
Thursday, November 13, 2008
love on her arms.
i remember when i was in 7th grade,a friend came up to me and gave me a hug.
we walked, arm in arm, for a while. i always liked to play with her wrist-bands. it was one of my annoying habits, i guess, but this girl had a LOT of wrist bands, and so i made fun of her in my own little way.
i played with them.
constantly.
only this time, as soon as i touched her wrist, she jerked her arm away from me.
i looked down, and there, half hidden beneath her bright pink and neon green cover-up, were three slash-marks going sideways across her arm.
that day i learned that my friend was a cutter. but more than that, i learned that my friend was hiding a part of herself from the world because she didn't feel the love of a world that didn't seem to care about her anyway.
today is National "To Write Love On Her Arms" Day.
a day set aside to bring awareness and hope to people who suffer from depression and hopelessness.
through this organization, many people, boys and girls, have found hope and love in places they never thought were possible.
so today, i encourage you to write LOVE on your arms. and to show people all around you that, regardless of what they think, someone out there loves them and hope is possible.
love is the movement.
move.
for more information about this organization and what you can do to help, please visit www.twloha.com
we walked, arm in arm, for a while. i always liked to play with her wrist-bands. it was one of my annoying habits, i guess, but this girl had a LOT of wrist bands, and so i made fun of her in my own little way.
i played with them.
constantly.
only this time, as soon as i touched her wrist, she jerked her arm away from me.
i looked down, and there, half hidden beneath her bright pink and neon green cover-up, were three slash-marks going sideways across her arm.
that day i learned that my friend was a cutter. but more than that, i learned that my friend was hiding a part of herself from the world because she didn't feel the love of a world that didn't seem to care about her anyway.
today is National "To Write Love On Her Arms" Day.
a day set aside to bring awareness and hope to people who suffer from depression and hopelessness.
through this organization, many people, boys and girls, have found hope and love in places they never thought were possible.
so today, i encourage you to write LOVE on your arms. and to show people all around you that, regardless of what they think, someone out there loves them and hope is possible.
love is the movement.
move.
for more information about this organization and what you can do to help, please visit www.twloha.com
Friday, November 07, 2008
to make myself clear
i hold God's truth to be self-evident... and i do not go against it.
however, i do have a HUGE problem with christ-followers presenting a one-sided view of truth.
Truth: Homosexuality and homosexual marriage is a sin, meaning it is missing the mark God set up in the beginning. like ALL other sin, it brings sadness and dis-pleasure to the heart of God.
also,
Truth: all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. no man can say to another man "i am better than you are" because, truth be told, he is not. the call of Christ is a call to follow, to lift up your head toward the truth and love of a savior, a God-man that came "not for the healthy, but the sick; not for the righteous, but sinners".
do I believe that homosexual marriage is recognized by God as a "holy union between humanity and Diety"? no... and i doubt many homosexuals would see it that way either.
but i do, however, find it to be a horrible defiance of the character of Jesus to use a law as a weapon of defense; thus encouraging the church to label itself with what we are against, not what we are for.
are we against homosexuality? sure, just as we are against every other sin: lust or envy or murder.
but we cannot and should not mark ourselves with that.
we are for the winning of people over to Jesus, showing those around us that there is hope still coming: that the kingdom to come is more powerful than the kingdoms of this world.
you don't help a child excell at something by pointing out all of the things that are wrong with what they are doing and showing them how you excel so much more in those areas then they do. you help a child excel by encouraging them in their strengths, using your own experiences to benefit them in any way you can.
and sometimes, the only strength you can encourage is the desire of every person to be truly, unconditionally loved by someone and to share with them the hope of a savior who does.
-J
however, i do have a HUGE problem with christ-followers presenting a one-sided view of truth.
Truth: Homosexuality and homosexual marriage is a sin, meaning it is missing the mark God set up in the beginning. like ALL other sin, it brings sadness and dis-pleasure to the heart of God.
also,
Truth: all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. no man can say to another man "i am better than you are" because, truth be told, he is not. the call of Christ is a call to follow, to lift up your head toward the truth and love of a savior, a God-man that came "not for the healthy, but the sick; not for the righteous, but sinners".
do I believe that homosexual marriage is recognized by God as a "holy union between humanity and Diety"? no... and i doubt many homosexuals would see it that way either.
but i do, however, find it to be a horrible defiance of the character of Jesus to use a law as a weapon of defense; thus encouraging the church to label itself with what we are against, not what we are for.
are we against homosexuality? sure, just as we are against every other sin: lust or envy or murder.
but we cannot and should not mark ourselves with that.
we are for the winning of people over to Jesus, showing those around us that there is hope still coming: that the kingdom to come is more powerful than the kingdoms of this world.
you don't help a child excell at something by pointing out all of the things that are wrong with what they are doing and showing them how you excel so much more in those areas then they do. you help a child excel by encouraging them in their strengths, using your own experiences to benefit them in any way you can.
and sometimes, the only strength you can encourage is the desire of every person to be truly, unconditionally loved by someone and to share with them the hope of a savior who does.
-J
wicked webs weaved...
im really sad prop 8 passed.
i know, i know, but im a christian, right? im supposed to be for prop 8.
but im not... i feel that, as-so-far as the church is concerned, it makes a "us vs. them" stance on our society.
we are right
you are wrong.
you deal with it, because we are the ones that are right.
and i think that thats a terrible way to go about humanity and living. It is really hard to tell people about jesus when they first hear you defending yourself against them at every turn. people make connections due to vulnerability, not distance. i feel like we just made the wide, barren gap between "evangelicals" and homosexuals even wider, seemingly impossible to cross.
the fundamental question, then, is this:
is it right to ignore biblical right and wrong when a persons or people-groups salvation is on the line? because, if you remember, you don't go to hell for being Gay, you go to hell for not having a relationship with Jesus Christ. and i fear that we just made any efforts to reach the gay community with the love and care of Jesus that much more difficult. we are refusing to go to their level and share jesus, and forcing them to come to ours.
as if ours is somehow any better than there's.
I've heard people say that our country, in electing Obama, has taken a giant step toward equality.
i, personally, think we have simply turned our focus from one minority to another.
i know, i know, but im a christian, right? im supposed to be for prop 8.
but im not... i feel that, as-so-far as the church is concerned, it makes a "us vs. them" stance on our society.
we are right
you are wrong.
you deal with it, because we are the ones that are right.
and i think that thats a terrible way to go about humanity and living. It is really hard to tell people about jesus when they first hear you defending yourself against them at every turn. people make connections due to vulnerability, not distance. i feel like we just made the wide, barren gap between "evangelicals" and homosexuals even wider, seemingly impossible to cross.
the fundamental question, then, is this:
is it right to ignore biblical right and wrong when a persons or people-groups salvation is on the line? because, if you remember, you don't go to hell for being Gay, you go to hell for not having a relationship with Jesus Christ. and i fear that we just made any efforts to reach the gay community with the love and care of Jesus that much more difficult. we are refusing to go to their level and share jesus, and forcing them to come to ours.
as if ours is somehow any better than there's.
I've heard people say that our country, in electing Obama, has taken a giant step toward equality.
i, personally, think we have simply turned our focus from one minority to another.
Monday, November 03, 2008
what heights of love, what depths of peace
i remember when i was a kid, i used ot read the ender series.
HAve you read those? its really a great series, starting with Enders Game allthe way through countless novels by orson scott card.
Ender, the main charachter and heroin of Enders Game, is a small boy who, a "third", a special case "third child" pregnancy authorized by the government in the hopes that he will be be the next GREAT COMMANDER of the Worlds forces against the dreaded bugger army.
Ender becomes all they ever wanted and more... and he goes through this period in his training where he suddenly has surpassing respect, even command, over every other student in the Battle School he attends. They Salute him in the hall. they get up when he comes in the room, they stop their conversations and jokes when he enters. they all address him as sir.
all before he's 11 years old.
this amazes me.
and ender gets so fed up with all this "DAMN RESPECT" that he literally snaps.
i feel like this sometimes. it seems like ever since i started in as the "Youth Pastor" at hbbc, and started the "least of these" group at VU... im not Josh anymore. now, im this guy who is supposed to be the very nature of Jesus in every effect. a guy who never spits, never cusses, never thinks or says things immoral.
people looka t me differently. im no longer "one of the guys" now im the "YOUTH PASTOR" or "THE GOD-GUY". you cant talk about that stuff around HIM.
im only 19. im not perfect. AT ALL. far from it, id say. but for some reason, because i love students and seeing poeple challenged to follow christ at a deeper, more intimate level, i get moved to this standard of almost being "unhuman". i know what he means when Mark Moore says "when you're a pastor, you never get to take off the mask".
the way i see it, human beings aren't meant to have to deal with all of the stress of overwhelming obsticles and hardships like this before their time. i echo the words of Meredith Grey when she said "you don't know this yet, but life isn't supposed to be like this. it isn't supposed to be this hard".
life is a roller coaster of experience. hard core roller coaster, too.
now i echo the words of Keith Getty & Stuart Townend, from that great song, when it says
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
-j
HAve you read those? its really a great series, starting with Enders Game allthe way through countless novels by orson scott card.
Ender, the main charachter and heroin of Enders Game, is a small boy who, a "third", a special case "third child" pregnancy authorized by the government in the hopes that he will be be the next GREAT COMMANDER of the Worlds forces against the dreaded bugger army.
Ender becomes all they ever wanted and more... and he goes through this period in his training where he suddenly has surpassing respect, even command, over every other student in the Battle School he attends. They Salute him in the hall. they get up when he comes in the room, they stop their conversations and jokes when he enters. they all address him as sir.
all before he's 11 years old.
this amazes me.
and ender gets so fed up with all this "DAMN RESPECT" that he literally snaps.
i feel like this sometimes. it seems like ever since i started in as the "Youth Pastor" at hbbc, and started the "least of these" group at VU... im not Josh anymore. now, im this guy who is supposed to be the very nature of Jesus in every effect. a guy who never spits, never cusses, never thinks or says things immoral.
people looka t me differently. im no longer "one of the guys" now im the "YOUTH PASTOR" or "THE GOD-GUY". you cant talk about that stuff around HIM.
im only 19. im not perfect. AT ALL. far from it, id say. but for some reason, because i love students and seeing poeple challenged to follow christ at a deeper, more intimate level, i get moved to this standard of almost being "unhuman". i know what he means when Mark Moore says "when you're a pastor, you never get to take off the mask".
the way i see it, human beings aren't meant to have to deal with all of the stress of overwhelming obsticles and hardships like this before their time. i echo the words of Meredith Grey when she said "you don't know this yet, but life isn't supposed to be like this. it isn't supposed to be this hard".
life is a roller coaster of experience. hard core roller coaster, too.
now i echo the words of Keith Getty & Stuart Townend, from that great song, when it says
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
-j
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
it's official... my 110th post.
feeling somewhat happy because of this.
maybe it shows how up-to-dayte i am with my generation...
or maybe, just maybe...
it shows how lazy and procrastinatory i am.
i tink i jsut amde up a word.
that makes me happy .
i like making up words.
like wonderish
wonderish: adj. not quite wonderful, but pretty cool all the same.
yay!
haha... k. food is good.
im feeling better today... i can feel my nose kinda burning right next to my eye... hopefully some pseudophed can help.
its actually cool today. high of 78... but i doubt it will get that hot.
now... off the the caf. i hope there are serving edible foods today. :D
happy THURSDAY!
"sometimes you're the windsheild, sometimes you're the bug"
-Q
maybe it shows how up-to-dayte i am with my generation...
or maybe, just maybe...
it shows how lazy and procrastinatory i am.
i tink i jsut amde up a word.
that makes me happy .
i like making up words.
like wonderish
wonderish: adj. not quite wonderful, but pretty cool all the same.
yay!
haha... k. food is good.
im feeling better today... i can feel my nose kinda burning right next to my eye... hopefully some pseudophed can help.
its actually cool today. high of 78... but i doubt it will get that hot.
now... off the the caf. i hope there are serving edible foods today. :D
happy THURSDAY!
"sometimes you're the windsheild, sometimes you're the bug"
-Q
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
sittin in research methods:
i want to be asleep.
like... right now.
looking at a bright projector that has a defective fan that is rattling and clicking like crazy, sending my head places that it shouldnt be rihgt now.
gaaaah.
like... right now.
looking at a bright projector that has a defective fan that is rattling and clicking like crazy, sending my head places that it shouldnt be rihgt now.
gaaaah.
so im sick...
who knew that hurling your body down a flight of stairs could do so much damage.
haha
just messin. no flight of stairs were hurtled down in the making of this feature.
but... i do have a sinus infection.
joy.
was thinking on my way here... if i were given one occupation that i would do for the rest of my life, it would be to write.
i love to write.
i love taking ideas and putting them on paper and seeing what happens. seeing where the paper takes them. seeing how life is turned on its ear with the simple stroke of a pen or the tap of a keystroke.
thinking aobut changing the url of this blog... kinda want space. kinda want... to be in a place where nobody knows my name or has seen my face. i wish the world were completely annonymous... i think it might correct a lot of the problems we face in our world today.
think about it: if nobody knew anybody, there would be no harm and no war. there would be no hate, because you wouldn't know someone to hate them.
but, then again, if there were no connections between people... you would forsake (or at least redefine) some of the greatest joys in life.
love, family, friendship, etc.
"take me back toward the sea,
amongst the tide, amongst the sky.
i never thought much of the city lights.
take me bck to where im from
show me the chorus of the sun
they're sneaking like a hideaway
take me back to where im from,
for me theres nothing more
take me back to where im rom.
take me back to where im from,
the sun, the sand, the shore,
take me back to where im from.
yes, im going home.
no other place for me."
haha
just messin. no flight of stairs were hurtled down in the making of this feature.
but... i do have a sinus infection.
joy.
was thinking on my way here... if i were given one occupation that i would do for the rest of my life, it would be to write.
i love to write.
i love taking ideas and putting them on paper and seeing what happens. seeing where the paper takes them. seeing how life is turned on its ear with the simple stroke of a pen or the tap of a keystroke.
thinking aobut changing the url of this blog... kinda want space. kinda want... to be in a place where nobody knows my name or has seen my face. i wish the world were completely annonymous... i think it might correct a lot of the problems we face in our world today.
think about it: if nobody knew anybody, there would be no harm and no war. there would be no hate, because you wouldn't know someone to hate them.
but, then again, if there were no connections between people... you would forsake (or at least redefine) some of the greatest joys in life.
love, family, friendship, etc.
"take me back toward the sea,
amongst the tide, amongst the sky.
i never thought much of the city lights.
take me bck to where im from
show me the chorus of the sun
they're sneaking like a hideaway
take me back to where im from,
for me theres nothing more
take me back to where im rom.
take me back to where im from,
the sun, the sand, the shore,
take me back to where im from.
yes, im going home.
no other place for me."
Saturday, October 25, 2008
was waiting for today... now im waiting for christmas...
just sayin...
yay TONIGHT though... going te see jeff in How To Succeed at RCC.
gonna be a BLAST!
also, on an unrelated story, just got told that there is a HUGE party tonight at stadium pizza: $25, all you can drink (literally) and you get to make your own pizza... this should be a fun night for travel!
Prayers and Luck...
"sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you;re the bug"
ha
-J
just sayin...
yay TONIGHT though... going te see jeff in How To Succeed at RCC.
gonna be a BLAST!
also, on an unrelated story, just got told that there is a HUGE party tonight at stadium pizza: $25, all you can drink (literally) and you get to make your own pizza... this should be a fun night for travel!
Prayers and Luck...
"sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you;re the bug"
ha
-J
Friday, October 24, 2008
8:46 am
there are people hammering outside my window... and there i heard a saw... i want to hurt people.
its FRIDAY!!!
long day filled with appeals to pity, more sawing and maybe even some work.
I CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW!!!
...just sayin.
HAPPY FRIDAY!
its FRIDAY!!!
long day filled with appeals to pity, more sawing and maybe even some work.
I CANT WAIT FOR TOMORROW!!!
...just sayin.
HAPPY FRIDAY!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
this is all that i can say...
I'm Tired... really really tired.
It's weird, but you never quite prepare for those things that come at you like a left hook, when all the while you re focused on the right hand. i guess you cant, really. I mean, how can a person focus on all of the things in their life at one time? these past few days have been tough...
I saw this bumper sticker, and i thought it was incredible. what an image in your head, that because you have gone through that hard times, you know how to get through them... i've heard that before. I've heard that it is supposed to get easier to handle hard times when you have gone through so many of them... and I have gone through wuite a few hard times, so i'm stuck constantly shifting my head from looking back to looking foward, and i keep getting this fear... no, fear is the wrong word... i keep getting this sense of... once again... being in an ocean, with the water all around me getting bigger and bigger and colder and colder, and its getting harder and harder to convince myself to listen to the innate desire inside of me that says "keep swimming".
"father of Grace, I am your child of mercy"...
John came up ot me today, leaned against the wall and said "theres this old saying: 'the man who burns the candle at both ends isn't as bright as he thinks he is'"
point taken... point deserved.
I just want time to stop,
i want to be held in someones arms,
i want to feel the touch of loved one who loves me because of who I am...
not because of what im doing or what i am "capable" of doing... whatever that means.
I heard the story of Brennan MAnning going to a house of a womans father, who was dieing of cancer. He walks into teh room and sees teh man propped up on a pillow, an empty chair beside the bed. Brennan says "Hi. i guess you were expecting me."
"Actually, i have no idea who you are..." the mans said
"oh" replied brennan, "i just assumed because of the empty chair that you were expecting me..."
"oh, that" said the man, "brennan, close the door."
BRennan closed the door and sat with the man and after about a mintue of silence, the man said "i had never learned how to pray... i used ot sit and church and listen to the pastor speak and pray out loud and never knew how he was doing it... so i asked him one day how to pray, and he gave me a famous book about prayer, and within the first 4 pages I had to look up 8 words in the dictionary.
"I gave the book back the next week and said 'thanks', muttering under my breath '...for nothin' and went another year not knowing how to pray, until one day a friend of mine said 'al you have to do is put an empty chair in front of you, sit next to is and have a normal conversation as if you were talking to a good friend.'
"'thats all?' i asked. 'thats all' he told me.'
"now thats how i pray... and i always keep the door shut because i don't want my daughter to see me talking to an empty chiar.
"do you think thats prayer brennan?"
Brennan was astonished, and said "yes... its so simple and profound and rough and easy... that is true prayer"
well, brennan prayed with him and went back to his house, and a fe days later he got a knock on the door. it was the mans daughter again.
"my father dies last night" she said, "i just wanted to let you know that.
"but, brennan... there was something very odd about how he died. i went into his room before i left for the grocery store, and he gave me a kiss and told me another one of his corny jokes, and when i came back he was gone.
"but... when i walked into the room, i saw that just before he died he lifted himself off of his bed and rested his head on the empty chair next to him. it was so strange"
I thought this was an amazing story of a man who loved jesus so much, I want to love Jesus like that. I want to know Jesus in that much of a loving nature, that when i die i can lay my head upon his lap and be held in his arms like the skrewed up little child i am.
so, Abba, sow your seed... im a vessel for breaking under your grace...
i didn't notice you were standing here,
i didn't know that that was you holding me
i didn't notice you were crying, too
i didn't know that that was you washing my feet
and this is all that i can say right now,
and this is all that i can give,
thats my everything.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
and now my life song sings...
reposted from Monday, April 16th 2007, and now my life song sings, a story of my senior year
-
man, its been a wierd year. so many things, some seemingly good, some seemingly bad. when i stop and look back at what has happened to me this year, it brings back a specific memmory that sets the stage for everything that follows.
att he end of last year, i was sooo excited. junior year was almost over, amor was coming up, summer was almost here! Everyhing was falling into place for the following year, everything was awesome. i was waling to class one morning outside when i ran into a friend and we started talking about church the following year. well, i was talking about the idea i had for the Middle School group, she was looking at me with a funky look on her face. that was odd. well, that night, Ben, my youth pastor, called me up and said "hey, i need to talk, can you some over?" i said "no i can't, but how about tomorrow?" he said sure. the next day i pulled up at his house, and we sat down and he told me that he had been fired and was no longer apart of our church. at that moment, everything that i had thought about the my future next year and everything i had planned at the church immediately got put on hold and i felt like a large piece of me had been ripped out of my heart without mercy or remorse and a giant whole was left in its place. my heart sank when i learned that Ben and his family would be moving away from Hemet. this, as i look back, was the begining of a long road of events that would unfold over the next few months.
in july, the heart of the summer, we went to my diabetes doctor and told him about a new problem i was having. i had just gotten back from a pission trip in Mexico and ever since i got back i had been having servere musce spasms on my arms and legs. my muscles would randomly flex and it would cause my arms to jerk drastically, which in turn freaked the heck out of my mom. along with the arm and leg-jerking, my bouts of hypoglycemia were becoming lower and more frequent. the doctor said that this is very probable evidence of me having an insulinoma, a tumor of insulin-producing cells on my pancreas. he ordered a ct scan to view the pancreas and hopefully get a glimpse of this insulinoma.
The CT scan came back inconclusive because the guy running the scan really didnt know what he was doing. with a lot of frustrating talk from my doctor (including a lengthy description of how this was evidence of the floundering helth-care system), he ordered me to have an endoscopy. This is a big word that means they stick a camera on a stick down my throat and look around. this was to come in october. apparently, speed is not a word in the health-care vocabulary.
in the beginning of august i had been running around at school one day during registration getting ready for my senior year at Hemet High. getting my t-shirt, getting my schedual, my parking pass, my books, all that fun stuff. after registration i went over to a friend of mines house to hang out. while i was there, She pulled me into her office and said "Josh, God as a message for you. i've been getting this message for you for the past couple of days but i didnt know how to telly ou, i still don't so, i guess i'll just say it. you are going to be put through the refiners fire this year. god is going to refine you into the person you are supposed to be. now, im not sure what that means, maybe you do... but that is the message that i have on my heart to tell you."
i was shocked. what did that mean? was it really from God? why a fire? is it going to be a fire? i was full of questons and confusion, but i did know one thing: when this year was over i was going to be different. but what did that mean?
well, after that my year started off pretty much like the previus years: chambers rehearsal before school started for 2 weeks, the first day of school, the school food, yada yada yada. BUT, this year was different... this year was SENIOR YEAR!!!!! i didnt come to school till 9am, i had a 2 hour break between 3 and 5th period... I only had 2 academic classes... IT WAS AWESOME!!!
then came the end of august, during seussical auditions. that wednesday there was a freak storm across the valley. hemet high flooded, the commons was under water, it was crazy! i didnt realise how crazy it really was untill i went home that night arond six o'clock and found out that the storm had ripped the eves off of the roof and flooded my entire house. within a day my room had become a breeding ground for mold, and the wals were litterally squishy to the touch. my life, for the next two months, had changed dramatically. My family had to move to a motel on the other side of town. I luckily was able to move to a friends house, but this still ended up being a difficult transition from what i had been used to. i forced myself to look at everything with a "could be worse" perspective, partly because there were some good things, but mainly because if i hadn't i probably would have killed something.
during this time i was preparing for Seussical the Musical, th musical Hemet high was putting on this year. I had managed (in utter astonishment) that i had gotten the leading role of Horton the Elephant, heroin of the books from which the musical mainly follows. this was an incredible amoutn of work for everybody in the production. there were over 180 people involved in the making of the show, including a cast of about 75 people. the incredible time involved in having a part in this show was astonishing. i was in the theatre about 5 hours a day after school, and practiced at home (a friends house, not my home) about an hour a night. Seuss songs were in my head all day, i started to relate the Shakespear tragedy Othello to Dr. Seuss. Life, as i knew it, had become brightly painted pictures and cheesy lyrical songs dancing through my head. then, one day in october, the dancers missed a step.
The endoscopy that my Edocrinologyst ordered was not really my idea of fun, but it wasn't terible either. they put me to sleep(ish) with drugs, shoved the tube down me (i woke up a few times and tapped the doctors face, and i heard him say "oops, nurse... more drugs!", then everything went dark again), pumped me up woth air and looked around. the procedure, which was anly supposed to take 45 minutes, took about 2 hours. it turned out that the doctors found a "Large white mass" at the tail end of my pancreas. they took ten biopses (all of which came back inconclusive) and sent me home. My Endocrinologyst said that this was probably the insulinoma that we had been looking for and he sent me to the Chief of Pediatric Surgery, Dr. Don Moores.
Seussical came of Unbelievably well! the book was amazing, the show was incredible... it was the perfect validation of all of our hard work paying off. i felt so special every night when i walked out onto the stage at curtain call and hear that applause, saw those faces when i went out to meet friends afterwords. even now i am still recieving praise for my performance. i couldnt believe it. i had become "THE GUY" of theatre. people around school were coming up to me and talking to me and i had NO idea who they were. it was really cool! people who were in my grade that never talked to me because i was the "wierd kid" were now coming up and accepting me! but the acceptance that i had gotten would be short-lived because of what was about to happpen next in my story...
in november i got to meet with the surgeon, Dr. Moores. he told me that they would be opening me up, gently moving aside my stomach, intestines, and a few other organs to get to where my pancreas was, and then tey were going to cut off half of it. the recovery time, he said, would be about 8 weeks, and ther were all these complicatons that could happen. well, by the end of the meeting we decided to go ahead with the surgery, and we schedualed it for december 15th.
During the months of August through November i had ran into a road-block with the new youth leadership at my church. we were not able to communicate, I had trouble accepting the changes they were making to the ministry, and i didnt appreciate the level of disrespect people were showing during youth group, but i really didnt know how to voice the issues i was facing. well, at the end of november i had to stop being a part of the Youth Band because of Gig season with Chambers. Gig season was a blast this year, expecially now that i had a car! traveling around with Anthony, Brad and eth was so much fun! Driving with the windows down, blasting Hawk Nelson as loud as we could... IT WAS AWESOME!!!
But halfway through gig season, on December 15th, the day of surgery had come upon us. We showed up at Loma Linda University Medical Center at about 5:45 am, I got dressed (well, technically I got mostly undressed. I went from wearing pjs and boxers and stuff to were nothing but a gown… yay), and got into the bed. My mom said I was freaking out. They gave me a few doses of versed and I was pretty doped up J. About 7:30 they wheeled me back into a room that was white and blue and that was it. Blue cabenets and sheets, white floors and countertops. The last thing I remember is them putting in my epideral… and then the next thing I remember is waking up in the post-op recovery room.
I was in the hospital for 9 days, got released 2 days before Christmas. Christmas sucked last year. I could hardly move, I didn't eat, and at the end of he day I took an antibiotic without eating enough food and I succumbed to projectile vomiting… YAY! Recovery was a long and drawn out process, I couldn't really do much other than sit in the house and maybe walk around a little bit.
During this time, at the hospital and afterward, I thought that God had abandoned me. That He was not there, and I was alone. I Got so angry at god that I was in the situation that I was in, and I got so MAD at Him for letting get into that situation, I felt so bad that I just knew God must have left me.
Then I started to get better… little by little, I got better… and I could walk a little more, and I could go out with friends, and I could go to school a few hours a day, and I could go out MORE with friends, and I could spend MORE time at school… and I could eat more… and I was doing SO MUCH BETTER!
I tried out for the play The Miracle Worker, I got the part of Captain Keller, one of the leads… and I felt like I was on top of the world, I felt like I was finally getting back to who I was before……. And this was the problem I think. I had not learned anything out of the situation I was in, and then came another curveball.
I had been doing good, so GOOD! The pain medication was going down, the pain was going down… I was almost done. We were almost done. The Doctors were talking about the last visit I would have to make. And then suddenly… the pain came back again… slowly, ever so slowly…I stated to get sharp shoots of pain, then a dull ache constantly, then BIG sharp pains. And I told God (ok, im listening). The pain kept getting bad, until I told my mom I had to go back into the doctor or he had to give me some type of medication to handle this pain.
Well… I had a CT scan done and I was sent directly to the ER, and from the ER to a 26-day stay at Loma Linda Medical Center. Through this time at the hospital, I finally had time to, for lack of a better word, shut up, and listen up. Finally, I stopped talking… I stopped trying to have everything figured out, I stopped trying to understand everything, stopped dictating my life, and MOST of all, I stopped telling myself what God was saying and actually listened to what He was saying.
And finally, I started hearing Hi whispers. They were really only that, whispers at first, whispers of humility, of circumstance. And then, one day I heard God as clearly as a shout. God was saying to me something that I had heard and preached many times before, but apparently it never stuck or never made an impact until now, but finally god shouted at me and I heard it. I actually heard it. God was saying "every situation is a possibility for you to Honor God. It doesn't matter what the situation is, good, bad, ugly, whatever, if you are a Christian it is your responsibility to use this situation to honor and glorify God, glorify He that is Worthy. It doesn't matter whether you are getting a new car, giving away food at a homeless shelter, taking a test, or sitting in the hospital in loads of pain and overcome in frustration, it is your responsibility to give Honor and Glory to God through the way you handle going through that situation and the manner in which to interact with others.
I know it sounds simple, and I had told this to people before, and I thout I knew it, but it didn't stick until god told it to me. And really, he didn't scream it, he just spoke… but it literally knocked the wind out of me. In every situation, no matter what the circumstance, Give Honor and Glory to God through your actions and your thoughts. See, God Is always around, and its hard to really acknowledge that he is there, but he is. And it is every Christians responsibility to honor Him with every second of our lives, no matter what situation we are in. for the situation is not what matters, it is God that matters. Situations come and go, emotions come and go. The only unchanging objects in every situation you have are you and God. Everything else is changing. And we are called to Honor god with every moment of our lives, and honoring Him means Trusting in His love and power yes… but it also means trusting in His will. His will is not easy to live in, but there is no more amazing place to be than with Him, doing His will for your life. Even if His will takes you to a circumstance that might hurt.
man, looking back on what I have gone through this year, I can see how I have gone from feeling likeall i needed was God, to thinking I didn't even need god, to times when I knew he was there and bad things were happening and times when bad things happened and I didn't feel his presence, and now I can see how God has used the circumstances of my past and has humbled me. He has taught me that without Him I am truly nothing, and that no matter what obstacle I face, what new great thing has happened to me, or something cool I have done, or applause that is given to me, all of that is nothing more that pure blessing. Rick warren once said "You never know that God is all you need until God is all you have got". I thought I knew what that meant before, but as I sit here, not sure what the future will bring, and not really having anyone around me that can help me, I look to God andi know that He is my only hope for Salvation and I look at Jesus Christ, and I see in Him my only hope for salvation, my only was to get to the Father, and my closest friend, without whom I am just dust, here one day, blown away the next. But with Jesus with me, I am significantly insignificant.
who am I to be loved this way?
-
man, its been a wierd year. so many things, some seemingly good, some seemingly bad. when i stop and look back at what has happened to me this year, it brings back a specific memmory that sets the stage for everything that follows.
att he end of last year, i was sooo excited. junior year was almost over, amor was coming up, summer was almost here! Everyhing was falling into place for the following year, everything was awesome. i was waling to class one morning outside when i ran into a friend and we started talking about church the following year. well, i was talking about the idea i had for the Middle School group, she was looking at me with a funky look on her face. that was odd. well, that night, Ben, my youth pastor, called me up and said "hey, i need to talk, can you some over?" i said "no i can't, but how about tomorrow?" he said sure. the next day i pulled up at his house, and we sat down and he told me that he had been fired and was no longer apart of our church. at that moment, everything that i had thought about the my future next year and everything i had planned at the church immediately got put on hold and i felt like a large piece of me had been ripped out of my heart without mercy or remorse and a giant whole was left in its place. my heart sank when i learned that Ben and his family would be moving away from Hemet. this, as i look back, was the begining of a long road of events that would unfold over the next few months.
in july, the heart of the summer, we went to my diabetes doctor and told him about a new problem i was having. i had just gotten back from a pission trip in Mexico and ever since i got back i had been having servere musce spasms on my arms and legs. my muscles would randomly flex and it would cause my arms to jerk drastically, which in turn freaked the heck out of my mom. along with the arm and leg-jerking, my bouts of hypoglycemia were becoming lower and more frequent. the doctor said that this is very probable evidence of me having an insulinoma, a tumor of insulin-producing cells on my pancreas. he ordered a ct scan to view the pancreas and hopefully get a glimpse of this insulinoma.
The CT scan came back inconclusive because the guy running the scan really didnt know what he was doing. with a lot of frustrating talk from my doctor (including a lengthy description of how this was evidence of the floundering helth-care system), he ordered me to have an endoscopy. This is a big word that means they stick a camera on a stick down my throat and look around. this was to come in october. apparently, speed is not a word in the health-care vocabulary.
in the beginning of august i had been running around at school one day during registration getting ready for my senior year at Hemet High. getting my t-shirt, getting my schedual, my parking pass, my books, all that fun stuff. after registration i went over to a friend of mines house to hang out. while i was there, She pulled me into her office and said "Josh, God as a message for you. i've been getting this message for you for the past couple of days but i didnt know how to telly ou, i still don't so, i guess i'll just say it. you are going to be put through the refiners fire this year. god is going to refine you into the person you are supposed to be. now, im not sure what that means, maybe you do... but that is the message that i have on my heart to tell you."
i was shocked. what did that mean? was it really from God? why a fire? is it going to be a fire? i was full of questons and confusion, but i did know one thing: when this year was over i was going to be different. but what did that mean?
well, after that my year started off pretty much like the previus years: chambers rehearsal before school started for 2 weeks, the first day of school, the school food, yada yada yada. BUT, this year was different... this year was SENIOR YEAR!!!!! i didnt come to school till 9am, i had a 2 hour break between 3 and 5th period... I only had 2 academic classes... IT WAS AWESOME!!!
then came the end of august, during seussical auditions. that wednesday there was a freak storm across the valley. hemet high flooded, the commons was under water, it was crazy! i didnt realise how crazy it really was untill i went home that night arond six o'clock and found out that the storm had ripped the eves off of the roof and flooded my entire house. within a day my room had become a breeding ground for mold, and the wals were litterally squishy to the touch. my life, for the next two months, had changed dramatically. My family had to move to a motel on the other side of town. I luckily was able to move to a friends house, but this still ended up being a difficult transition from what i had been used to. i forced myself to look at everything with a "could be worse" perspective, partly because there were some good things, but mainly because if i hadn't i probably would have killed something.
during this time i was preparing for Seussical the Musical, th musical Hemet high was putting on this year. I had managed (in utter astonishment) that i had gotten the leading role of Horton the Elephant, heroin of the books from which the musical mainly follows. this was an incredible amoutn of work for everybody in the production. there were over 180 people involved in the making of the show, including a cast of about 75 people. the incredible time involved in having a part in this show was astonishing. i was in the theatre about 5 hours a day after school, and practiced at home (a friends house, not my home) about an hour a night. Seuss songs were in my head all day, i started to relate the Shakespear tragedy Othello to Dr. Seuss. Life, as i knew it, had become brightly painted pictures and cheesy lyrical songs dancing through my head. then, one day in october, the dancers missed a step.
The endoscopy that my Edocrinologyst ordered was not really my idea of fun, but it wasn't terible either. they put me to sleep(ish) with drugs, shoved the tube down me (i woke up a few times and tapped the doctors face, and i heard him say "oops, nurse... more drugs!", then everything went dark again), pumped me up woth air and looked around. the procedure, which was anly supposed to take 45 minutes, took about 2 hours. it turned out that the doctors found a "Large white mass" at the tail end of my pancreas. they took ten biopses (all of which came back inconclusive) and sent me home. My Endocrinologyst said that this was probably the insulinoma that we had been looking for and he sent me to the Chief of Pediatric Surgery, Dr. Don Moores.
Seussical came of Unbelievably well! the book was amazing, the show was incredible... it was the perfect validation of all of our hard work paying off. i felt so special every night when i walked out onto the stage at curtain call and hear that applause, saw those faces when i went out to meet friends afterwords. even now i am still recieving praise for my performance. i couldnt believe it. i had become "THE GUY" of theatre. people around school were coming up to me and talking to me and i had NO idea who they were. it was really cool! people who were in my grade that never talked to me because i was the "wierd kid" were now coming up and accepting me! but the acceptance that i had gotten would be short-lived because of what was about to happpen next in my story...
in november i got to meet with the surgeon, Dr. Moores. he told me that they would be opening me up, gently moving aside my stomach, intestines, and a few other organs to get to where my pancreas was, and then tey were going to cut off half of it. the recovery time, he said, would be about 8 weeks, and ther were all these complicatons that could happen. well, by the end of the meeting we decided to go ahead with the surgery, and we schedualed it for december 15th.
During the months of August through November i had ran into a road-block with the new youth leadership at my church. we were not able to communicate, I had trouble accepting the changes they were making to the ministry, and i didnt appreciate the level of disrespect people were showing during youth group, but i really didnt know how to voice the issues i was facing. well, at the end of november i had to stop being a part of the Youth Band because of Gig season with Chambers. Gig season was a blast this year, expecially now that i had a car! traveling around with Anthony, Brad and eth was so much fun! Driving with the windows down, blasting Hawk Nelson as loud as we could... IT WAS AWESOME!!!
But halfway through gig season, on December 15th, the day of surgery had come upon us. We showed up at Loma Linda University Medical Center at about 5:45 am, I got dressed (well, technically I got mostly undressed. I went from wearing pjs and boxers and stuff to were nothing but a gown… yay), and got into the bed. My mom said I was freaking out. They gave me a few doses of versed and I was pretty doped up J. About 7:30 they wheeled me back into a room that was white and blue and that was it. Blue cabenets and sheets, white floors and countertops. The last thing I remember is them putting in my epideral… and then the next thing I remember is waking up in the post-op recovery room.
I was in the hospital for 9 days, got released 2 days before Christmas. Christmas sucked last year. I could hardly move, I didn't eat, and at the end of he day I took an antibiotic without eating enough food and I succumbed to projectile vomiting… YAY! Recovery was a long and drawn out process, I couldn't really do much other than sit in the house and maybe walk around a little bit.
During this time, at the hospital and afterward, I thought that God had abandoned me. That He was not there, and I was alone. I Got so angry at god that I was in the situation that I was in, and I got so MAD at Him for letting get into that situation, I felt so bad that I just knew God must have left me.
Then I started to get better… little by little, I got better… and I could walk a little more, and I could go out with friends, and I could go to school a few hours a day, and I could go out MORE with friends, and I could spend MORE time at school… and I could eat more… and I was doing SO MUCH BETTER!
I tried out for the play The Miracle Worker, I got the part of Captain Keller, one of the leads… and I felt like I was on top of the world, I felt like I was finally getting back to who I was before……. And this was the problem I think. I had not learned anything out of the situation I was in, and then came another curveball.
I had been doing good, so GOOD! The pain medication was going down, the pain was going down… I was almost done. We were almost done. The Doctors were talking about the last visit I would have to make. And then suddenly… the pain came back again… slowly, ever so slowly…I stated to get sharp shoots of pain, then a dull ache constantly, then BIG sharp pains. And I told God (ok, im listening). The pain kept getting bad, until I told my mom I had to go back into the doctor or he had to give me some type of medication to handle this pain.
Well… I had a CT scan done and I was sent directly to the ER, and from the ER to a 26-day stay at Loma Linda Medical Center. Through this time at the hospital, I finally had time to, for lack of a better word, shut up, and listen up. Finally, I stopped talking… I stopped trying to have everything figured out, I stopped trying to understand everything, stopped dictating my life, and MOST of all, I stopped telling myself what God was saying and actually listened to what He was saying.
And finally, I started hearing Hi whispers. They were really only that, whispers at first, whispers of humility, of circumstance. And then, one day I heard God as clearly as a shout. God was saying to me something that I had heard and preached many times before, but apparently it never stuck or never made an impact until now, but finally god shouted at me and I heard it. I actually heard it. God was saying "every situation is a possibility for you to Honor God. It doesn't matter what the situation is, good, bad, ugly, whatever, if you are a Christian it is your responsibility to use this situation to honor and glorify God, glorify He that is Worthy. It doesn't matter whether you are getting a new car, giving away food at a homeless shelter, taking a test, or sitting in the hospital in loads of pain and overcome in frustration, it is your responsibility to give Honor and Glory to God through the way you handle going through that situation and the manner in which to interact with others.
I know it sounds simple, and I had told this to people before, and I thout I knew it, but it didn't stick until god told it to me. And really, he didn't scream it, he just spoke… but it literally knocked the wind out of me. In every situation, no matter what the circumstance, Give Honor and Glory to God through your actions and your thoughts. See, God Is always around, and its hard to really acknowledge that he is there, but he is. And it is every Christians responsibility to honor Him with every second of our lives, no matter what situation we are in. for the situation is not what matters, it is God that matters. Situations come and go, emotions come and go. The only unchanging objects in every situation you have are you and God. Everything else is changing. And we are called to Honor god with every moment of our lives, and honoring Him means Trusting in His love and power yes… but it also means trusting in His will. His will is not easy to live in, but there is no more amazing place to be than with Him, doing His will for your life. Even if His will takes you to a circumstance that might hurt.
man, looking back on what I have gone through this year, I can see how I have gone from feeling likeall i needed was God, to thinking I didn't even need god, to times when I knew he was there and bad things were happening and times when bad things happened and I didn't feel his presence, and now I can see how God has used the circumstances of my past and has humbled me. He has taught me that without Him I am truly nothing, and that no matter what obstacle I face, what new great thing has happened to me, or something cool I have done, or applause that is given to me, all of that is nothing more that pure blessing. Rick warren once said "You never know that God is all you need until God is all you have got". I thought I knew what that meant before, but as I sit here, not sure what the future will bring, and not really having anyone around me that can help me, I look to God andi know that He is my only hope for Salvation and I look at Jesus Christ, and I see in Him my only hope for salvation, my only was to get to the Father, and my closest friend, without whom I am just dust, here one day, blown away the next. But with Jesus with me, I am significantly insignificant.
who am I to be loved this way?
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Sometimes, i think im crazy.
honestly. Sometimes i sit on my bed, staring at my feet and thinking to myself: "am I crazy? I... I must be crazy. there is no other reason for who you are and what you do... you must be crazy."
and I begin to convince myself that everyone around me knows this but they're just not telling me.
and as i begin to go deeper into the implications of these things, i start to hyperventilate.
my breathing gets heavy, my thoughts begin to race, and my head starts to sway from side to side until I tip over, my head landing on my pillow and i have to consciously calm myself down in order to be able to stand up again.
And I hate that.
I feel as though I have become overwhelmed with this sense of hopelessness.
That my life, right now, is hopeless... that I am without hope.
And I don't know what to do with that. I hear all of these people around me talking about their hopes and reams and how God is working in them and around them, and I don't know how to compute these hopeless feelings into that worldview.
Today I was driving back to school and I noticed that I was wishing and hoping that I was sick... not because I want to hurt myself... im not a sudo-masachist, but because if I was sick, this idea of hopelessness would be a mute, and this stirring inside of me would go away.
I am in a class that is walking through the study of John, and we were looking at an obscure passage in john 17, where Jesus is praying for His desciples before He is arrested, and within that passage a verse just jumped off the page at me, nearly knocking me to the floor. Joshn 17:13 “"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them.”.
As I read and re-read the verse, I began to think about this full measure of joy.
And I couldnt understand it. I couldn't understand what part joy played in my life, because at that moment all I could think about was the overwhelming blurr In front of me.
“Where is the joy in this?” I thought. What kind of person am I that is doing the work of God but cannot feel His joy?
and I begin to convince myself that everyone around me knows this but they're just not telling me.
and as i begin to go deeper into the implications of these things, i start to hyperventilate.
my breathing gets heavy, my thoughts begin to race, and my head starts to sway from side to side until I tip over, my head landing on my pillow and i have to consciously calm myself down in order to be able to stand up again.
And I hate that.
I feel as though I have become overwhelmed with this sense of hopelessness.
That my life, right now, is hopeless... that I am without hope.
And I don't know what to do with that. I hear all of these people around me talking about their hopes and reams and how God is working in them and around them, and I don't know how to compute these hopeless feelings into that worldview.
Today I was driving back to school and I noticed that I was wishing and hoping that I was sick... not because I want to hurt myself... im not a sudo-masachist, but because if I was sick, this idea of hopelessness would be a mute, and this stirring inside of me would go away.
I am in a class that is walking through the study of John, and we were looking at an obscure passage in john 17, where Jesus is praying for His desciples before He is arrested, and within that passage a verse just jumped off the page at me, nearly knocking me to the floor. Joshn 17:13 “"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them.”.
As I read and re-read the verse, I began to think about this full measure of joy.
And I couldnt understand it. I couldn't understand what part joy played in my life, because at that moment all I could think about was the overwhelming blurr In front of me.
“Where is the joy in this?” I thought. What kind of person am I that is doing the work of God but cannot feel His joy?
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